PunKyStaR

Existentialism In The Dark Knight (final)

2008-07-28T06:11:00.006+08:00

This entry is still under numerous revisions due to my misunderstanding of the subject. Sorry for the constant changes or delays of updating. Reminder that this entry is for my Philosophy class. Be sensitive to this entry. Thank you! ^_^

The infamous movie called The Dark Knight has rolled in a handful of mixed reviews from the press after its release. With a set of controversial cast members at play in the film, it portrays numerous instances where existentialism persisted numerous times through the characters involved in the story. The definition of 'existentialism' is still vague on my end but I will certainly try to express my own way of the film's relation to the subject of existentialism.

All I know is that existentialism, according to Jean-Paul Sartre, is "existence precedes essence" meaning that we did not choose to be here but instead, we were "thrown into this world" and that we are capable of defining ourselves on our own instead of other things defining us, such as religion. It is also accepted in the ideology that life is fitting in the terms 'absurd', 'anxiety' and even 'alienation'. If this perspective good enough to define existentialism, I believe it is fitting now to lay down what is 'existential' in the said film, The Dark Knight.

Existentialism through the characters

For my end, I believe I can see through the ideology through the major characters of the film who are Batman, The Joker and Harvey Dent. I believe that these characters have this way of thinking that is existentialism in nature in a way. I will not delve into the minds of the other characters for the story itself definitely rolled around them anyway, personally.

Bruce Wayne/Batman

The character of Batman, although his intentions are to fight criminals, has a very diverse principle backing up his intentions. It is actually supported by his actions whenever he fights the criminals, instead of teaching them a lesson, he simply eliminates them as much as possible. Based on my brief readings about Batman's so-called 'biography', he is driven to do such heroic actions due to his own emotional setback during his childhood during the time his parents were killed by a petty mugger. With this at mind, his attitude towards the people that adores his actions does not decently reciprocate the same way as his adoring fans' gratitude towards him.

"I don't need you help!"

This was his line during the time he caught his so-called "fans" imitating him. His mindset of making his own plot regarding a certain criminal is his own business and he deals with his problems on his own and simply takes the help of others in order to fulfill his plans to catch the criminals. It is existentialism in nature the fact that he built himself as the "Batman" in order to become a person beyond those criminals. He is his own person. Being an outlawed vigilante highlights this nature of his. He being a hero is ironic to the fact that he doesn't reinforce the rules but instead, breaking through it by simply concentrating on simply putting down the felons.

His source of viewpoint in life is his misery. He simply sees the world filled with misery. It is simply senseless. How did I end up saying that? Well, he lives within THAT viewpoint.

For some reason, in the film, he was being defined as useless especially at the part where he was blackmailed by an associate and yet he simply ignores it. As simple as that also adds up to the fact that no one can actually make him something. During the early part of the film, his butler, Alfred, even defined him saying that Batman has its limits, that he is simply a man, indirectly speaking. Still, Bruce, as Batman, claims that he doesn't have any limits. He was actually equating himself to the hero Batman.

The Joker

This character is a scary mastermind that threatened the city after Batman, Harvey Dent and Lieutenant Jim Gordon got all the criminals in Gotham. However, in the movie, the story basically revolved around his cunning ideas to prove something to the outlawed vigilante Batman which is the fact that they are the same. He is not into the money itself.

Anarchy would be the right term for the thing he desired most to happen. No government. Simply the fact that there is no need for rules and honor and respect to limit the people. In this view, the Joker is an existentialist. The fact that in existentialism, you are not to be defined by external factors but yourself. This what made the character Joker really interesting on my part. The Joker is actually a philosopher if you look closer at his background. Having to find out that his character was born out of the world with parents who didn't support him since childhood, no wonder his way of thinking that he is himself is no question at all.

One of the actions that can uplift him as an existentialist would be the fact that he is not afraid. Like in existentialism, we must overcome fear. He simply do what he wants to do and says what he wants to say without a hint of fear crossing his own senses. He is simply free from all borders of limitations. Every move is a possibility for him, especially when he plotted a very twisted yet artistic series of events.

For some reason, I believe he believes that he can do anything and he was actually explaining it indirectly throughout the film. Personally, this made him a great person in a way and yet he is being feared at because he can also display that freedom of oneself can even create the worst for others. This would be also the message that he is passing through Batman. They are both beyond the rules and yet Batman is still all tied up to something which limits him to be actually be true to himself.

The Joker is simply a masterpiece, indeed.

Harvey Dent/Two-Faced

This district attorney is a person who teases with luck. Flipping a coin whenever he comes to a point where things are out of his control. However, he would end up saying that he makes his own luck. Another existentialism viewpoint. No one defines you. Nothing defines you. It is yourself that makes who you are.

He said in the movie this line:

"Do you want to die a hero, or live through life seeing yourself becoming the villain..."

(something like that... haha!)

I found this line very intriguing in a sense that it expresses numerous things for the characters of the movie. It could possibly mean, in the realm of the center ideology of this post, that being a hero is also defined by other people as 'good', 'just', 'brave', 'strong' and that if you do too much, like hurting an actual human such as a criminal, you become a villain yourself because you are now in the definition of 'hurting other people is bad'. Harvey only meant that being a hero is two-faced. He also said at some point, after his accident of burning half of his face, that it is better to actually reveal the true you rather than going back and forth to one face or the other. He claimed from the very beginning that everyone is two-faced and that he is also living that principle.

Such belief of having to reveal the truth itself by character is also evident in his actions as a public servant, being an attorney earlier in the film. This is also within the realms of existentialism. Being truthful or revealing the truth is self-recovery. You do not need to suffer because you are hiding what must be open to all.

All of the characters in the film, at some point, revealed their being 'existentialist' in many ways. Many of the characters also portray similar traits of the subject matter but I simply chose these three characters, not just to make this post as short as possible but also to easily grasp the idea of the film having such underlying reasoning behind it. Personally, it is the Joker's film. Everything evolved around the hands of The Joker. A joker is a happy person but also a cunning one.

Well, I hope after numerous posts and edits and retrieving and hiding and posting it again would make this post, better. I believe this would be good enough for a post. It is actually too long already. >.< The Dark Knight. =)

If I were a philosopher, I would...

2008-06-03T03:03:00.002+08:00

(This entry is for my Philosophy class. Please be open-minded about this post. Thank you! :3)

Putting my toes in the shoes of a philosopher, I would most certainly perceive this world filled with interesting questions. As a philosopher, I would most believe that everything is intertwined. This particular connection I shall seek if given the opportunity to become a well-established philosopher. The reason why I would like to do such would be due to the questions that I have in mind of what makes this world go around- literally.

As a person who lives in this planet for quite some time now, it is inevitable to come into a conclusion that there is something beyond our own kind; beings that might know what we really are and why we are here. Although numerous contexts painstakingly explain to each and every one of us that we are all here because of several reasons, it is still a fact that majority of it, personally, all of it are hard to grasp as a fact. There are still several questions that demand an answer, possibly answered by something we might not know for ourselves.

As far as I could remember, I sometimes hesitate and ponder how I constantly change naturally and never seem to notice the changes at all. Once during the start of my puberty years, I even attempted to wait for one of my pubic hairs to grow, and I mean, actually grow with my naked eyes glued to the hair. It was a strange experience but then, why can’t we notice it unless we capture it on camera? If ever I was a philosopher, I would most certainly like to answer these questions for myself.

If I were to be branded a philosopher, I believe my secret ventures as I seek for truth will be classified as “experiments” rather than “craziness”. Being a philosopher, at most people, indicates utmost intellect that no normal-leveled person could actually attain naturally. Speaking of seeking the truth, it made me wonder why some things happen even though we really did our best to evade the possible. One good example would be simply studying for a Math quiz with all might but still end up failing. Possible reasons would be cramming but what if that person prepared for that quiz for days or that person reviewed until 4 in the morning weeks before that quiz but still end up flunking? Is there a controlling center for all the occurrences that are about to happen in a few seconds? Or did somebody already redefined one’s path? If there is a path, why can’t a man see the straight road towards where he is supposed to go?

Lastly, as a philosopher, I would reexamine my own faith. I mean, I did not choose to be a Roman Catholic when I was born. It is not because of the “Da Vinci Code” why I am suddenly bringing this up. Personally, my view about the sudden various reactions of the people only sounds the same for my part. Is this all my belief is? It might be possible that there is more to the story. Anyway, going back to the reexamining of faith, I guess I would ask myself the same thing as those millions of people who read the infamous book of Dan Brown. I would most certainly find out more of what I am currently devoting my life with. Honestly, when I go to mass, I find myself dragged by other kind of trail of thoughts because there would be times that I am not “drawn” by my faith. I would wonder, as a philosopher, what had gone wrong along the way. My faith did not do anything to oppress the already oppressed but what would fill the blanks during those masses or those prayers I piously pray? I want to find that gravitating reason. Another, I would like to ask myself, if I was a philosopher, what would be this “something” that would defeat this hunger for contentment. I see people purchasing cell phones monthly, why do such? Why is it bad? Who said it is immoral?

I have other questions in mind as a philosopher. These are also my personal quests. Hopefully, it will make other people ask for themselves other kind of questions. I do also hope that the people who might be reading this are mature enough not to throw bad comments to my post. I mean, I am not a certified philosopher but at least I asked, right? ;)

Don't fill my blog with spam. Thanks.

2008-02-25T23:48:00.005+08:00

Well, it's been a while since I posted here. You could practically say I neglected this blog for quite some time. I just used this blog for educational purposes only. Look at this blog it is filled with numerous spammers' ads and stuff on the comment box. Ah well, nevertheless, I will clean this place and save it for the rainy day.

I have no plans in reviving this place but I guess I could post mostly personal issues here regarding out-of-myself topics. I am still considering this place as my diary, of course. Well, I am not a fan of scribbling daily events. Nothing extraordinary has passed my way except for the fact that tides have changed their course that even my perception (even grammar) has enhanced itself through the times. I believe that is good news for all to here.

I believe I remember posting "emo-inspired" entries here. Talking about having self-pity entries almost everyday in lengthy sizes. I've got to say, every person has his or her own "emo-strucked" moments at some point unless you're taking pot and feel high most of the time.

I also remember the days when I would post inspiring notions on this blog. In the end, I did not take them as my philosophy in life. I realized that I suck because I got stuck on self-centered me. I am simply laughing it off at the moment.

On the contrary, this blog has molded my writing. I owe this place for letting me flow out something that is bottled up in me. I guess it made me better one way or the other. As of this moment, I am still as childish as my post could get but wiser. I believe you guys could give me a hand on that one.

Oh well, I have done my job. Comment as you wish but PLEASE DON'T FILL UP MY COMMENT BOX WITH STUPID ADS THAT WILL DECEIVE OTHER PEOPLE TO CATCHING YOUR "GREATEST WORK OF ART IN VIRUS-MAKING". You won't get anything out of me or of this blog. I beg you, guys. Go somewhere else. Thanks.

TREDONE Integration Paper

2007-12-14T01:02:00.001+08:00

Who saved Alexis when she was young?

This would be the question that you might be asking at the moment. The story is very lengthy but it all began during my younger years in life when our old maid would tend to deceive me with her words. She told me that I was an accident and that my mother does not love me and others alike. Personally, that made a dent in my self-esteem. Other than her, there were people at our province who do that same thing to me as our old maid would tend to do to me which is to scold at me and spank me. Whenever I hear a our old maid raising her voice, I would shake in fear.

Right up to this moment, this fear is still evident in my presence. As a matter of fact, I do not speak out that often people would think of me as a snob or a very unfriendly person. This fear never let me free. It feels like I am still tied at the chains of our old maid's scolding to the point that I could not understand why people treat me that way. It was unfair that my playmates before were enjoying their childhood while I need to go through all the weeping inside our humble apartment at Quezon City then. I even ask myself once in a while if what had happened to me was something just. I may not have the clearest memory of my childhood but one thing is for sure, the pain never let me free from its grasp. It is suffocating.

Thankfully, one day, when I was in the midst of frustration with schoolworks during college, a so-called "fairy" of mine rescued me from looking at life as if it was something to be wasted. This fairy would be my mother and I do not think of any other metaphors that would depict her. It was a blessing from the skies that she was there along the way and I just realized it when I found how important is my mother in my life. If you are asking why she is a fairy, I would be glad to answer that question. She is this simple being that never asked for attention but kept on helping me with all her "magic". She would be patient to me especially when I do not feel well.

I could not pinpoint the exact day when she saved me but all I remember was that she was the one who said, "It's all in the mind". What amazes me is that she also does what she says and that I followed her. She is this Tinker bell with a glowing light that lighted my way to life. I could not ask for any more mother than her. I learned also from her that the true happiness is with God for she would always encourage me to go to mass in order to reconcile with the Father weekly. She would also tell me that God will not give things that cannot be resolved. With this words, I remember my learnings on Jews' view of hope and salvation as well for the Christians.

She was the person who made me realize that there is this so-called "being" that is greater than all of us and so she would always tell me that praying to God would hear my wishes. After all these years that I have been doing it, I couldn't agree more to my beloved mother. She believes that God, being greater than everything else in this world, would help us get through the things that limit us.

I always carried on the hope that she shared with me and I believe that it saved me numerous times in thinking otherwise. This hope is strong and as I have learned from TREDONE, whatever would be your religion, we still believe in the Source that He will provide us with everything we need and all we have got to do is to simply ask Him.

The drawing is a symbolic one. I drew a fairy which I said in this paper as my mother. As you could see, the fairy is holding an orb which would be me. My mother always tell me that I am special in my own way and that makes me a precious being. She saved me from thinking at the dark paths that I might have taken if I was not given the right words to follow with. She gave me the hope that one day, I will embrace the Source and so I must make the most out of what I have here on Earth. I must not be afraid.

Happiness and Suffering

2007-11-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

Who is God? If he is a benevolent being, why would He let us suffer?

We always ask that question. We always have a mental picture of God with a long beard and white long hair or a fat bald man or an immortal with many feet. We limit Him in the level of our state when he is not.

It is my view that every principle or religion that every person believes in is dictatorial at first but intensive as a person matures. It is a fact that we are not aware of the world around us at the time we were given birth by our mothers but what we have at that moment is our freedom.

With this freedom, we are able to choose our path in life. As we move on in this certain 'path' we chose, we are given principles to follow and in time, witness these principles and teachings. These things help us see this unknown world we live in at a larger perspective. Personally, even if I see numerous beliefs and teachings, they all direct us in one direction. We may never know what will be revealed to us at the end but it is rest assured that we are to see God.

Two of the things that these principles touch would be the topic of happiness hand in hand with suffering. They are presented differently by Buddhism, Hinduism, Confucianism and Taoism in such a way that it could depict what they really are in our lives.

Happiness, as described in the Webster's, as a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable or satisfying experience. Suffering, on the other hand, is described as a state of submitting or to force to endure a certain situation.

In Buddhism, I have found to realize that we can be happy if we experience suffering, live with suffering. Trying to evade what lies ahead is something unnatural for Buddhism. Happiness cannot be found on the things that makes us smile or comfortable or what pleases the senses. Happiness can be found after enduring suffering. In other words, suffering is the key to eternal happiness, or Nirvana. Despite of all this restraining principles of Buddhism, I can say that Buddhists could be seen as people with "light" persona.

Looking at Hinduism, I found that happiness is ourselves. No one can make us happy but ourselves. It is in the principles of Hinduism that I found strange yet very interesting. Knowing that we make our own happiness, Hinduism points out that it is within us where we will find the goal that we aim for. External factors are relative or in other words, only aids our way of making ourselves happy. It is also mentioned in Hinduism that after enduring happiness and misery, we will find the Supreme Bliss. This belief encourages us to seek and not to sit still. The more you look for it, the closer you will get to what you are looking for.

Confucianism is a philosophy that is more realistic than the others. It is a system of virtues, morals that aim for the spiritual welfare of man. Happiness in this case is something spiritual, moral and self-identified. For me, it is through our actions that makes us someone spiritual. I could compare it to Christianity but of course the only difference is that Confucianism's principles are more witnessed than Christianity's concepts.

In Taoism, happiness and suffering are inevitable thus, we have to face the world with a peaceful mind and by doing nothing. Going against the flow of life would only create disharmony in life. It is doing nothing in order to attain the balance once again.

All in all, I could say one thing- these beliefs or philosophies say that life should be taken the way it is. Go with what it has in store and not fight against it. We are all headed in one direction, to the Creator. And even though we believe in numerous number of gods, they all manifest what is beyond our thinking. It is proper to say then that there is something bigger than what we have at our hands. It is this huge thing that drives our lives to places we might not want to face but we have to. For me, this 'force' is God's hands. I believe that in experiencing the most of what He created would mean holding on to what He really did. It is human nature to treasure things that were retrieved after great hardship. To get to the Source, you have to be worthy of it, and savor your journey towards it. Happiness and suffering in all of these beliefs are said to be complimentary to one another and suffering comes first and happiness concludes it all.

The drawing in this entry is my symbolic way of saying that every belief only pertains to one thing- the Source.

Happy Birthday?

2007-09-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

Today is my 17th birthday and for the first time in my life, many people greeted me. I wondered why because I don't get that much greeting before. Ironically, I don't feel my age. 17 years old. It's a big number and to think that I am in college. Things are very surreal for my part.

Why is it that even though I was greeted by many people, I waited for this certain someone to greet me on my special day? As expected, this person didn't greet me. It's like my hopes were shattered because I was hoping that this person would remember of all people in the world that today is my birthday. I guess all I could do is fantasize about it. I would only fantasize. It's not a big deal, right? Why am I like this? Why do I want this person to notice me? It's just an ordinary day like any other day. It's just nothing for that person, right? Right? Why can't I stop making a fuss about it? Lek, stop it!

I guess I expected too much. I knew I shouldn't have done that. I'd hurt myself. I want to be angry at myself for that. I hate this feeling.

I just want this person to make me feel how much I mean to his life...

Dithering.

2007-07-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

In the end, you will still settle on two beings: God and yourself.

No one can create that choice for you but yourself with God's light...

Now, why am I suddenly religious? I just found it to be true and like my usual self, I am quoting a varied idea out of the blue. Sometimes, these out of the blue stuff stabs others and it just came to me that I have no idea what to do next.

I'm already done with midterms and I am receiving numerous failures as time goes by. When i go home, I will be just tired and I would tend to sleep instead of studying. At this moment, I have no right to sulk so I just have to grab my lazy bum and roll the dice as long as I can. Better do something than be stuck in this course that starts to get the hell out of me. I'm not just bored, I'm so FREAKING BORED. I am bored in a sense that I want something that I know that a few people can do and at the same time, something that will keep my sanity intact until the end of the year. As far as I am going, things are going downhill for my part. This is karma after all.

I just got out of the sickly stage of the year. Last week, I had a fever then this week, I had a diarrhea. Hopefully this is the end of the strings of unfortunate events. I am being desperately hopeful since I am losing strength and gaining failures along the way. This is bad, really, really bad.

I got this Baller ID of DLSU today for a good cause (for Gawad Kalinga's project). =3

I also found out that my mouth is spatting the worst things again. Sometimes, I wonder if it were DEFINITELY my habits or were it just characters of mine from the past that I have successfully carried until this moment in time? I surely loathe my lazy bum side. *sigh*

I cried tonight for tons of reasons. It bothered me because the bottom line here is that I tried not to be emotional about things. Ok, not tried but I ratified that I won't cry on simple things but character got out of me. I would like to laugh at myself for successfully failing in every way now.

So far, I haven't done anything that I want to do and I guess I have no choice but to comply. I shouldn't whine, right? I already told myself that. This is just a reminder. This is just a reminder.

You know, it's Atom's birthday on Thursday and I have no idea what to give him. I've been thinking of something that will allow him to remember me even just for a while. Now, what could that be? *ponders*

I have more midterms in the following days and I have an Algebra quiz tomorrow so basically, I have to sleep for a while then wake up then the usual and this time, I will apologize for the misfits that I did to the people I did wrong. If you will look my insides, I would like to run to them and plead for forgiveness. I have to cut the pride and fighting. I am a blind warrior in battle and I have to remove the veneer. It will be a risk but what else can I do?

I miss numerous amount of hobbies already but I am always tired when I go home... I hope I won't forget about who I am and who is me.

See you later... ^_^

Everything's laid.

2007-06-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

It felt like I didn't lay a hand on this site for about a year already only to find out that my last entry was on January 14th. A lot of things happened and I would definitely declare that I was totally mugged by regret in the end. Even so, many things occurred fast-paced. Now, I'm a college student of De La Salle University and I never thought it would happen this way. He sure made me open to indefinite possibilities.

Writing in my old blog brings back an amalgam of good and bad. It made me remember the times when I would whine and do nothing. This PunkiStar surely displayed my innocence, my apprehensions and my struggles. It will stand on its name until the owner finally becomes the PunkiStar of her own.

As far as I have come to this point in my life, I already started my college life last May 23rd while for others, it would be on the upcoming 12th. Would you believe that GMA created a new holiday for us Filipinos? As I hinted during my latest blog entry at my Multiply, expect June 10, 2008 the next Independence Day (needs citation. LOL.)

I was finally given everything I needed for the MOMO business. So far, I'm still grabbing ideas from elsewhere. Hey, I'm frequently going out of the house lately and even though it's very tiring, I'm now witnessing my face carrying a smile as I go home. However, not-so-good things do happen. It's inevitable anyway.

Why did I end up at BS-ICTM? I have no clue. It seems that I was dropped here for a reason and I believe I'm starting to figure that out. Still, I need to work on my control. It's like my disciplinary struggles never faded. I believe I'm not the only one residing at this disposition.

Wow, I miss writing now. I guess 'Lethal Berry' is an appropriate pen name. I'll use it then.

Everything's laid down... Not exactly on my part. I still believe in the existing HOPE lingering around me. I'll still pursue business; it's calling me out deep inside. I guess I'll have to discern this 'voice' in the meantime.

Almost at it.

2007-01-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

Definitely a blasting New Year for everyone this 2007. A lot of people are motivated again to renew their old ways and revert shrewd personalities into angelic ones. It is kind of funny how people just simply decide to change something from the usual to the fresh and hip. Everybody changes and everything changes-- this is the fact.

I haven't got a change to splurge my ideals here for quite some time now yet I'm so active with my Multiply account. Isn't that kind of unfair? Well, here's my first entry for the year '07.

I went back to school on the 8th and the usual people did their usual behavior. Nothing significant seemed to have happened to them during the holidays. The vacation only haulted (or maybe meddled) on their way of living. Surprisingly, I find that scenario awkward for the first time. The usual "chilling" feeling of unknown shyness simply passed out among the fireworks and I felt comfortable for no reason at all. I had new reasons to logically explain the norm. That's kind of odd, isn't it? I have no idea what came over to me, I swear.

Right now, I'm searching for a feasible Physics investigatory project. I have been googling the net for almost half the day yet I'm not that lucky enough to find that certain project that will be good enough for my teacher's approval. Our first idea was stolen by another group so we have to find another project for us to do. How unfortunate for us :( . I'm also delving into our Social Studies research about uncontrollable increase of the Philippine population in the view of a typical Filipino family on having several children. At the moment, I have no clue how to start up with these things. These things are thrilling yet nerve-wracking.

During my designated "breaks", I'm working on my first photo collection of monochromatic images entitled "i choose mono..." . I only had few juicy pictures at the moment but I like the idea. I hope I could do it well. I really want to know more of my camera. :D

So far, I have the results of my DLSUCET and ACET. The latter one I failed. I'm still waiting for the UPCAT results on February. It will determine my life's destiny or should I say the stimulus of the reactant in this circumstance. I believe he will enter DLSU while I'm holding my thoughts and keeping my mouth shut about the matter. He's so fortunate to become a Star Scholar of DLSU. Good for him. At least he could pursue his favored course which is Political Science and I tell you, he'll be good at it. As for me, I have no say yet to my future whatsoever.

Here's the thing: I have this idea that it will be splendid if we will be together in the same university but there's a slim chance that I'll get to know him better even if we're in the same grounds. I'm in a computer-related course while he's in a history-related one. We'll be both preoccupied by our own thing. I have no right to prevent him from this fact. If ever I go to another university, it will be the same and worse than before. We'll be mingling with two different milieus. One way or the other, it's just the same and I want to cry because of it. I guess he'll never think of it that way for some reasons I can't tell you. Whatever I say is what I only see in my point of view. I just want to ask God a lot of things about this but not to degrade Him but to simply ask a query why is everything so ironic. I just want to be with him and get to know him better for I feel that I have been hurting him with my words or even more. I don't know and I have no idea what to think...

We're almost at the conclusion of the final year of our high school days. We're almost at the point where every effort we gave off will be given a respectable reason or two. Graduation. I can't really picture it out yet but in order to be deserving of it, I have to get through all the hurdles that block my way to what I'm supposed to be.

Finally. I'm awake.

2006-12-28T17:54:00.000+08:00

I have not touched PunkiStar for a while now and I have lessen my links and everything. Like most people know, I'm posting on my Multiply in the duration of my Hiatus period here. It's not really the same as I do here. I guess I'm more detailed here in terms of my stories and all and this is the ULIMATE blog of mine, of course.

A lot of things happened during the hiatus period. I never even imagined that the year-ender events or occurrences would redefine me unlike my old usual, happy-go-lucky persona earlier this year. Recently, I have been rediscovering my old passions, this time in motion now.

Christmas. Nothing new about it except the post-Christmas event that I've enjoyed the most. I went to his house and I'm really glad I am for if I didn't, I would have done the unthinkable. There were so many things that I didn't know and things that I failed to express or say on that day. Still, it was an unforgettable experience for me.

New Layout.

This would be the only layout that I had in years that I made from scratch. Yes, people, this layout is pure digiart. The clouds, the grunge and the rest were all created from mere manipulation of the brush. I posted on my Multiply that it was inspired in a certain album cover and I guess a bit of my imagination spiced it up.

Currently working on my very first accessory collection. I have been reading some magazines and I have been observing the crowd lately (I even listened on some hot stuff on the radio) and I'm really hoping to get the materials soon. This is the only problem that I have. I have 2 concepts at the moment but I can't materialize it. Darn it.

If you are kind enough to help me, please do so. Haha. (kapal-muks nanaman.)

I guess I'll be editing some things here. Later! ^_^

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Try the links:My Multiply My Lit

Sembreak Scheds!

2006-10-29T10:16:00.000+08:00

Yes! My very first relaxing sembreak after three years. For two consecutive years, I lost my voice for no reason at all. My 1st year sembreak was a sham due to a lot of "homeworks", my 2nd year was filled with a lot of "research" and my 3rd year was composed of "projects, projects, and more homeworks". This year, I have no idea why they suddenly lessen the workload? It kind of makes me nervous right now for I haven't got a chance to ask my classmates what happened in the classroom when I was out painting our mural last Thursday.

Unfortunately, we lost in the competition but it's ok. Haha! The concept was not as original as it seems. Besides, we won during the door decor competition. Haha! What was supposed to be a beach-themed doorway became a Muslim-inspired view. Lolz! What a transition, di ba? ;)

Ok, plano, plano, plano... Let me enumerate them one by one:

Oct 28 =
*8:00- 2:30 > Practice for the HS Concert, "Pintig"
*6:30 - 12:00 > Sonoluminescence
Oct 29 =
*12:00 - 1:00> Hear a mass ^_^
*1:00 - 3:00 (approx.) > Mall!!! At last! :P
Oct. 30 =
*10:00 - 3:00 (approx.) > Layout-making!
* 4:00 - 5:00 (approx.) > Ayos ng gamit.
Oct.31 =
* 4:30 > GISING! AIRPORT! O_O
* 8:00 > Flight to Iloilo

Uhmmm... This is it for now. XP

I want to change the name...

2006-10-25T19:49:00.000+08:00

Punkistar... I'm not really a punk or anything. Haha! I have no idea why I came up with this name but I held on to this name for almost three years now. From angst to melancholy, I have splattered here my thoughts and my paranoia. Some people read my lengthy posts and they always tell me that I shouldn't be thinking that way. Maybe I should agree with the others once in a while. I've been captivated by the tempting world of pessimism. I don't hate myself for that for without it, I wouldn't even realize that I don't have a life for the past few years after we moved here in Cainta.

I learned my lessons. Isn't it so stupid of me that the realization only came to me during my senior year? Oh yeah, I'm repeating my words... *ehem*

Ok, ok... Should I change the name or what? Well, the name doesn' t even suit me. Uhmmm... this is it for now.

SEMBREAK IN 2 DAYS! BWAHAHAHA! XP

He's still my prince charming... ^_^

2006-10-22T20:31:00.000+08:00

What do I have with me right now? An obsolete computer in front of me, my El Filibusterismo book by my side, a 1 whole illustration board, a pencil, eraser, my cellphone, my own phone in the room, a stable lifestyle, a great mother, a fine education, an ever-seeking enthusiasm, a mind that wanders, a simple perception in life... What else do you expect? A glamorous body, an eye-dropping body figure, a flawless skin, a white complexion? Dream on...

This is so ironic. Despite of all the blessings that I was showered with ever since I was born, I can't really decipher the reason behind jealousy, angst and insecurities. I mean, even the most gorgeous lady on earth could be insecured with her itsy-bitsy flaw in life. What do we really look for in life? What do we really look for in love?

Let's make this straight- girls have always heard the side of guys who always say they only want simple, beautiful, di kikay, fun girl to be with them. The fact that girls go gaga over glaming up themselves could be stressful yet they do that to please their men. Let's admit it, both sexes expect too much of each other. And as for my part, I have to raise both of my hands when it comes to this topic.

Of course, all girl fantasized when they were young that a prince charming will sweep them off their feet just like the "A Cinderella Story" flick or that "The Sweetest Thing" movie which injects the idea of being yourself and there goes your love of your life. Haha. Kind of reminds me of some things. *ehem*

As time goes by, this notion will suddenly become a desperate search to MATERIALIZE this fantasy. We tend to fall in love with celebrities with dashing smiles and charming looks and neglect the fact that they are still human beings. We look at them as GODS. *shivers* Don't tell me I'm not telling the truth, guys. I'm simply displaying the truth.

Now, what's my point? I'm in the midst of that I'm-expecting-my-boyfriend-to-be-something-better syndrome but not to the point that is impossible. When I talk to him, unfortunately, I can't open up with him for a lot of reasons. I have a lot of things in mind but then I give way for him. I just want to be silent and listen to him for a while and forget about stuff. For me, I think I'll bore him but I'm removing that thought but I just don't speak up! I realized later on that I was expecting something out of him. I have to admit, I wanted him to be someone better but in terms of values/virtues.

Expectations:
* I hope that he will be more firm with his faith. I know he's a better person than he is now.
* Hindi na sana siya tamad. Magkaroon siya ng initiative to be something better. >_<
* I hope he learns how to listen to other people.
* Be open with new things.
* Not be too physically-attached.
* Matuto sana siyang magtipid! Please! O_O
* Lessen the demanding (or should I say dominating) personality. (e.g. homeworks...)
* Magpakabait na po siya... please lang...
* Sana matuto siyang maging creative or imaginative.
* PRIORITIZE!

Ahhhh!!!!! Ayoko ng away! Yun lang yun! Ewan...ewan...ewan... yun lang ang hiling ko sa kanya... yun lang po...

But despite of all the misunderstandings, I still love him as HIM. I just don't know for his part... I don't read minds, just analyze movements. Even though a lot of people think we're odd, I don't give a damn about that. It is enough that he makes me feel special. I do hope that he listens to me kahit na medyo pasemplang-semplang na ako. Hehehe... I know he has that within him and I'm simply waiting for him to be open to me... Hehehe...

MAY TIWALA PA RIN AKO SA IYO! KAYA MO YAN! =^_^=

I Can't Sleep...

2006-10-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

I have been turning around my almost-wrecked bed for almost two hours now and I almost finished a movie but I decided to change channels then I turned it off. I have a lot of things to think about and a lot of things to reconsider. With everything hanging on a balance and the fact that I'm not doing my best in the things I do, it kind of makes me project myself as a little delinquent who keeps on roaming around without thinking.

In my mind, I think about my future, my loved ones, my education, my destiny, my life and all. I didn't really intend to post this for it makes me feel timid and infuriated of myself which I swore not to post here anymore. Still, I believe I can post this because this is me right now.

I won't be posting lengthy posts here. Don't worry, I'll figure this out on my own. ~ja! ^^

100 Things In My Mind Right Now...

2006-10-13T22:22:00.000+08:00

1. I am eradicating childishness.
2. I am creating scripts for my Filipino and Health role playing.
3. I am disturbed by the fact that people misinterpreted me in every way.
4. I am thinking of collecting all the tin cans and bottles from my mom's office for our class' fund-raising for the whiteboard that we are going to ask to be nstalled on our blackboard.
5. Thinking if he's thinking about me as much as I think about him.
6. Reflecting on the things that I've done today.
7. I am planning for the next layout of this blog.
8. I'm also planning to create him a layout that is within his preferences.
9. Thinking of a sport that I will pursue this summer: Volleyball or Swimming?
10. Excavating in my imagination on what will I do for my AP homework (shoebox...).
11. Anxious about my skills in guitar playing.
12. Conscientious of the fact that I'm envious on some matters that happened during the day.
13. I am ponering on the fact that today is Friday the 13th.
14. Wondering why the distribution of cards is always scheduled near the Friday the 13th.
15. Preparing for a room revamping.
16. Thinking of new artists to download for my music collection.
17. Partially anguished by the fact that I'm not glaming up myself for him and for other people.
18. What movie will our group in Filipino watch for our project.
19. Update my current knowledge about the world.
20. I want to go back to stargazing.
21. I want to hold him and to kiss him.
22. I wish I have a chance to widen my social circle more.
23. Will I pass all the entrance tests that I took?
24. Will I be with him during college?
25. Thinking of being with him forever. Hoping. Hoping.
26. Find new tabulatures and chords of some songs for me to play.
27. I'm craving for a new set of viands for the nest few weeks.
28. Is my money enough to buy him my supposed surprise gift for Christmas?
29. What's my next gift for Mama this Christmas?
30. I want to complete the Simbang Gabi.
31. I want to change the world with the use of my skills.
32. When will they recognize my efforts and talents?
33. I want to graduate with honors.
34. What can I do to garner more money for Christmas.
35. Better be careful with my voice so that I won't lose it again this Semestral Break.
36. What can i do to make him happy?
37. Kulang na lang eh... disiplina na lang kulang sayo, Lek!
38. How can I show to others that I care for them?
39. Can I accept the fact that he will take a chance on another girl?
40. I must accept the mortality of life. I'm going to die some time soon. Be ready.
41. I can't live without God. I'm grateful to Him.
42. How can I improve my grammar and widen my vocabulary?
43. I want to have a movie marathon.
44. Anime' marathons! I want a slushie when I watch an OVA of an Anime' show.
45. What can I do to tone down my fats?
46. I better remove childish memoirs that are really insignificant.
47. I'm not angry with anybody anymore.
48. Can I handle criticism now?
49. How far does my knowledge will carry me?
50. I want to be wise.
51. Why am I afraid anyway?
52. I want to finish what I started.
53. I'm sleepy... *yawns*
54. One day, I'll be famous. Haha!
55. What else does he like? I hope we have other similarities...
56. What can I do for my own mother?
57. I should watch "Love Story in Harvard"... Mama will make kulit of me again about it.
58. Hayz... no CAT, Haha!
59. Kailan kaya magigising sa katotohanan ang Pilipinas? Hello?! Wake up!
60. Magiging sexy rin ako! Bwahaha! XP
61. Ano nga ba ang gusto ko sa buhay, no?
62. WIll Business Administration lead me to something significant?
63. Sana di ko na makalimutang tingnan diary ko at yung mga gagawin ko.
64. Aninaw practice... hmmm... buti umaga lang! Hehe!
65. Ahhhh!!! He's coming! Kinakabahan ako... Lagi naman... Please, sana masabi ko na ang dapat kong sabihin at gusto kong gawin sa kanya... I hope he won't be bored. Sana maganda ang usapan namin... Oh shocks! >_< Sana masaya monthsary celebration na ito. I hope it will last forever...
66. Ang daya, walang 3G cell ko! XP
67. Magkakaroon ako ng computer! HP PAVILLION, HERE I COME!
68. Nakakatunaw ng utak ang Lorenzo... Haha! Ayos lang... sanay na ako...
69. Kailan nya ako maiintindihan?
70. When can I change my wardrobe?
71. Sleep... isang patikim ng langit sa gabi...
72. Sana matapos ko si Ludlum... Want to try Don Quixote and Great Expectations. :)
73. Makakabyahe rin ako sa malayo after high school... Hehe...
74. Hindi namanako maarte kung magiging "ako" ako di ba?
75. Paramng di ako girly? Kailangan ba?
76. Shocks, sponsorship! Mama, sana di mo malimutan... >_<
77. I want to open up to everyone.
78. Hay... why do I like serious kind of guys? They look cute when they are serious... Ahehehe... ;)
79. I want to travel... Oh, how I wish I could go to France, Italy, Germany, Switzerland, Deutschland, UK, Spain... Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong... wah!!! I want to go somewhere away from here fro a while!
80. Hmmm... Bawian na ito this 2nd Trimester...
81. Matalino ba talaga ako? Ewan...
82. Prioritizing... where's my sense of prioritizing...?
83. WAH! ANG KALATY KO!
84. Hindi na ako naawa sa sarili ko... Sa wakas...
85. Hmmm... I want to show everything now...
86. What's my next adventure?
87. Wala na bang magandang mapanood? Hehe.
88. Magpapa-straight ako ng buhok sa susunod.
89. Ay! Kukunin ko pa pala yung discount coupon na nanggaling sa Sunsilk sachet ni Mama. Ang baliw talaga... Nagpiga kasi ng isang hibla ng mga Sunsilk sachet. Nakakaadik yung amoy...
90. Asa pa ba ako sa essay writing contest? Bukas na pala yung results...
91. Pintig! HS Concert! First exposure! Ahehe :D
92. Ahehe... nangangarap nanaman ako ng gising...
93. Sana di na ako makakalimutin... Stress lang yan, Lek.
94. Ok! I made two wallpapers for no reason... Ayan nanaman ako...
95. I must turn off the pc now... Iwas tukso na... electric bill!
96. I want to talk with God right now...
97. Oprah is a must-seen show...
98. Ang tagal ko ng hindi nakakapanood sa JackTV.
99. I want to delve into history more... Why?
100. I want to more of everything... ^_^

Huh...? Eh...? Whatda...?

2006-10-11T18:26:00.000+08:00

Nothing significant happened for the past few days except for the practices and my two-nighter layout making and some O2Jam experiences in between with some of my plans formulated while I'm creating the layout for the upcoming Christmas vacation. Haha! Asa pa akong makakapagpahinga ako sa SemBreak! Pag-iinitan nanaman kami ng mga teachers sa pamamagitan ng mga tambak na homework! Huhuhuhuhu... I'm also preparing my voice so that I won't lose it again. For two straight years, whenever I went to the province during the semestral break, I always lose my voice for no reason at all. Ito ba'y pagpaparamdam ng mga patay sa akin? Lagi na lang... XP

Hmmm... I really, really, really want to change my layout. Darn it. If only I have the time and the condition to create one right now, I will grab the opportunity right away. Unfortunately, no time, more schoolwork, more stress... Haha!!! Mababaliw nanaman muli ang inyong lingkod.

I'm cutting out the melancholic texts/verses/phrases for a while. I'm getting sick of it in a way. It turns out that I look like a sick dog when I post those pleas/appeal or whatever I used before. Mukha tuloy akong kaawa-awang bata. Haha! Sabagay, tahimik lang naman ako eh lalo na sa classroom so I don't really get that attention.

Speaking of attention stuff, I think I found the root of my self-centeredness. When I did a "test run" of my simple solution to the problem, it worked and I'm getting a hang of it. I suddenly found a lot of faults/shortcomings that I'm guilty of myself. I wasted three years of my high school life plus the three remaining years of my Grade school life just for nothing. I could have been a somebody by now. Oh well, what can remorse do to alleviate my oversights? Hehe.

Oh sige, sige! O2Jam nanaman ako...! XP

I should go out more often...

2006-10-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... It seems like I don't have the vitality to laugh that much at this moment now that everything's hanging on a balance. A lot of things have been happening lately and I'm not noticing the difference of the past and the present unless I neglect it for a little while. Like my title says, I should go out more often. I'm so in touch with consistency that I didn't notice the difference between to entities at a time. Ouch for me... T.T

I don't know why do I pour out everything at a time. Isn't it stupid? Haha. Honestly, I can't say it to other people (but I am right now... XP) that I feel like I'm not going to stay here on Earth for a very long time. I don't know. Who knows when? Malay mo, bukas na pala? I've been giving a thought of it lately. I have been neglecting the fact that there is death. I'm scared of it, heck, I'm so freaking terrified about its existence. Now, I'm getting a hang of it. Accepting facts, painful yet effective.

Last Saturday, I joined an essay writing contest and the topic was "Developing A Culture of Love". Developing love on Earth? Di ba meron na? Di lang natin nakikita... Di MO lang nakikita... Di mo lang nararamdaman... Sa paningin at damdamin ng tao, dapat may gawin pang kababalaghan ang pag-ibig para mapatunayan na mayroon nito. Masyado ng nawalan ng tiwala ang tao sa balakid na nagagawa ng kasamaan sa ating kaisipan ng pag-ibig. As for me, I'm poruing it out right now and I have explained the reason a while ago.

Why am I doing this? Before, I was asking for a return but I guess I want to surrender myself to God. I don't know when but while I'm stilll here, I'll do my best to be something I never thought I have within me. Thanks to those people who have stayed there through thick and thin... Or maybe I don't want them to be away because I have given something to them already? I have no idea now... For me, my vow still stands... It is useless to give again for I have nothing to give anymore... Ang tanga ko... But I guess life seems to be a something else that I don't see and I want to take a peek on that... I'm still yearning for a love from above...

Oh well, enough litany. I'll be changing my layout during the break and maybe I'll make one for someone... Sino kaya? Errr... Christmas gift ba ito? Nah... I'll simply create one...

Pahabol... darn, I should read again, I'm scarce at words already... I forgot a lot of words that I can use. I feel like an empty can... Writer without the right words to depict her emotions and thoughts... I've got to think again...

~ja! ^_^

Kabilugan ng Buwan...

2006-10-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

I'm so into this song from the compilation of revival songs of the APO Hiking Society called "Kami nAPO muna". Etsepwera lang sa akin yung album before but it is simply fantastic and this is one of my favorite tracks by a band called Drip. Haha! Grabeh... Di ako masyadong expose talaga sa Pinoy Music. Wala pa pala sa kalahati ang nabubungkal ko sa paghahanap ng Indie sa Philippine Music industry... At least I knew new artists once in a while. Hehe.

Now, what's the relation of the title to my post this time? Nakakalasing ang mga salita sa kanta... I really want that to happen... Try reading the lyrics...

"Kapanahunan na naman
Ng paglalambingan
At kasama kitang mamasyal
Sa kung saan
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag

Pagmamahalan lang naman
Ang mararanasan
Sa sariling mundo tayo lang
Ang may alam
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag

Halina’t pakinggan
Ang awit na dala ng pag-ibig
Masaya ang mundo pag kapiling
Kitang ganito
Huwag kang hihiwalay at ang
Puso ko ay maligaya
Lapit na, oh lapit pa

Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag
Sa buong magdamag
Sa buong magdamag"

Ahehe... I kind of missed the time when I was constantly collecting new lyrics and print them out and sing it silently in my room. After that, tinamad na ako na i-compile eh... Saka medyo sinayad nanaman ako and I started writing my own songs... Haha... What a history ba? XP

Anyway, the lyrics is simply exquisite for me and I don't know why... Errr... As a matter of fact, famous songs being revived become flavorful when they are being revived. Even though the essense of the original was manipulated, it still is nice to hear old songs in the modern mainstream... Soothing indeed... Mmmmm... *^_^*

Wah! Yan tuloy, nagutom ako. Lolz! XP Inom na lang ako tubig... :D Oh well, see yah later! ^_~

As I Looked Up At The Skies...

2006-09-29T10:16:00.000+08:00

It was 3:31 in the morning. The sky was still tinted with its black sheath, covering the skies from any other ravaging hints of the past storm. It was silent. It was splendid.

For the first time after my seven years of stay in this house that I felt at home together with the stars that I finally saw peeking out from above. At that moment, I found new reasons for a lot of things. At that moment, no one can disrupt me from the connection the night sky and myself has established at that span of time I've been silently observing the sky.

"It is better this way," I thought, "but there's still tomorrow to face and I found my reasons."

None of us realize this fact: We create our own twists in life and we are suffering due to its causes. What did you do ending up cramming for a schoolwork? What did you do for you to be stressed out? I was guilty when I asked those questions to myself. Those thirty minutes that I've been wide awake, it was a great blessing for me. The tranquility of the night transforms into a silent prayer... I felt happiness touching my soul.

A lot of you maybe wondering why my post is like this but I do like to be like this. Simplicity. Every complications in this world could be unrolled... Every labyrinth in this sure demanding world could become a single strand of a string. Nothing is impossible in this life.

Going back to reality, obviously, there was no classes yesterday and our feast day was postponed due to the gloomy weather. For the first time, I felt a lot of students were disappointed since a lot of people were expecting a good time for a day and here goes the storm sabotaging our precious pleasure for the day. We have a lot of homework... I tried to draw even in the dark so that I wouldn't have to worry much this weekend. This weekend would be my nirvana for a while. ;)

Unfortunately, we have a training tomorrow. I hope they don't pursue this... We need a break for a while. Don't want to think of school for now. I want to be one with the things I didn't appreciate for quite a while... *sighs*

Oh well, see yah! ^_~

I never wanted the night to end...

2006-09-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday which was supposed to be celebrated last September 19. At first, I thought it would just like my other birthday parties in the past- simple, quiet, NORMAL... Yesterday was beyond my wildest imagination. To think that I was late for my own party due to our rigorous CAT training, I saw a lot of people outside my house. Let me recount the events...

4:00 PM - At this moment, we were asked to form for our final practice of the Fancy Drills. This was also the last time I looked at the clock. I'm in a state of hysteria! I'm late! >_<>_> After that, I ran as fast as I could so that I could come home earlier. David was leisurely walking while I was panicking whether the people were waiting or not. I called the house and JC answered it (Nagulat ako... Wahaha! XP) . Keyna talked to me for a while until I asked to talk to my mother... WAH! May mga tao na! I screamed at David and he said we need to fetch our adviser and our AP teacher. WAHHHH!!!!! I'm freaking late for my own party already... We ran towards the old preschool building (currently the teachers' dormitory) and we shouted at an empty building calling out our teachers' name. After that, we went back to the High School building, then the Grade School building across the street, then I ran at the corner where tricycle drivers can see me. Good thing we got tricycle right away.

After a few minutes, I was stunned by the number of people outside my house. Akala ko kausap nina Krizzia si Atom... Hindi ko siya nakita agad...!!! When I turned, ayun pala... Sooo happeh! =^_^= I almost lost my voice when I said that they should go inside. Maraming bumati sa akin... Pumayat daw ako (Ows? :P). I was overwhelmed by what I saw that time. It was so heartwarming... For the first time, I finally realized that the past year created a new life for me. Last year, I was lonely. This year, I was blessed. Thank you talaga sa mga dumalo... I really appreciate your effort for giving your time to celebrate my birthday. ^_^

This birthday celebration became the most significant and the most splendid one for a lot of reasons but it was more special because he was there. I finally got the chance to be with him longer and show what I have been keeping inside of me since the last time I was with him... Thank you for coming... It meant a lot to me that you came... ^_^

Now, I'm finally a sixteen-year-old lady. For the first time, I felt complete. Let's say I need to smooth out a lot of things but I'm getting there. Nawala na rin ang mga grugdes... It is definitely true that maintaining this serenity would be a challenge but hey, it's not like this is the first time I face one, right?

Ahehe... sayang wala akong pics ng party... In my mind, the party's ambience still fills my mind with vivid images. Catch you later, guys! ^_~

Something has changed? Really?

2006-09-22T21:35:00.001+08:00

I cried last night... I simply felt tears falling from my eyes... I simply hugged Chocky tightly and I suddenly fell asleep. When I woke up, I was on the run again just like the other days... Tamad talaga ako and I can't blame myself for that. I always feel tired and I don't know why...

Earlier today, we flaunted our ever-messy Physics project which is a mask of a scientist... I chose Dr. Josette Biyo over Marie Vurie since I think half of the batch already made Marie Curie(s) and I don't feel the mask anymore. In addition to that, the face of my mask was squished and dilapidated by the hairs I attached on it. Gah... Monday would be the judgment day... I'm hoping to get a decent grade this trime... *sighs*

In the middle of this so-called "parade of masks", Krizzia and I had a girl-to-girl talk concerning life and other things I didn't expect we would really talk about at that time. Through the years, I never had an in depth conversations with my peers. I'm simply a listener but sometimes I share my experiences but those stories are not really something to be enjoyed during a boisterous chat. Anyway, we were sitting on the bench by the lobby while waiting for a signal from our ever-disciplined advisers but we continued talking about life itself. I thought this was something boring for a topic. Even so, we spent the time away talking. Good thing David didn't interrupt... He's somewhere out there... He's the O.D... Wahaha! XP I just remembered that I should have been an O.D. this week... Errr... that's stupid... Never got a chance to be one... Daya... >_>

Uhmmm, I surveyed a lot of people like Mama Moki, Nanay Keyna, Kringkring, Pre-Pre and Ate Elma if I changed at something and they said yes then I asked them if I need to improve something in my personality. They were hesistant. The best answer that I got would be me being a "buraot". Wahaha! XP Better change that... They never mentioned childish? Could it be possible that I have somehow alleviated the childishness? I have no reaction to that right now.

Maybe the next thing I'm going to alter in my being would be my clothes. Haha! Ipon muna ng pera ulet... XP

Are you simply blind or are you making yourself one?

2006-09-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Why must everything end up like this? Why must things go unruly at this point? Is it only my fault? If it is, I'm scourging myself for the grief that I have cost you... Why can't see you believe that everything is real... HOW CAN I PROVE THAT I EXIST?

I don't know what to think of. You always tell me I'm stupid. Stupid on what field exactly? Why doubt what I have painstakenly given to you? Why throw away the things I give to you everyday? Why don't you smile whenever I say things that came deep in this heart? I'm not hurt due to your insensitivity... I'm hurt because you don't really care...

I'm hurt when you give more importance to those people I have no idea who they are. You shun me from your world I'm ready to openly accept. I didn't ask for anything in return but a simple smile on your face... A simple word of thanks... A simple gratitude that I'm hoping would come across your being.

How much suffering did I cost you? How did I hurt you? You couldn't even tell me... YOU CAN'T EVEN SHARE YOUR STORY OF LIFE... I can't even share mine... Does this mean you don't care about me anymore?

When I read your thoughts, I don't think I'm there even for a split second... Here I am thinking of you day and night... Here I am wholeheartedly giving you everything... It's alright if I lose these things... I have already lost them... You lost them already...

I'm in dear pain of dying my heart out... Streaming tears of unending depression casted on by being... This are not the words of a writer... This are the words of the one who always love you even if you say you don't anymore...

I know this is stupid but what can I do? Is it my fault that I became like this? Probably... Ever since then, I started to build a division because you wanted me to do so... Inhibitions you asked me to surround myself with while I sob within the walls you asked for...

Maybe you don't feel it anymore... I hope you still feel it... I have always felt it and I will never let it go... I;m just hear silently waiting... If ever you needed a shoulder to cry on... A hand to hold you... An embrace to soothe you... A heart that will always care for you...

Ironically, I don't feel that you would do the same...

Wow... I'm 16? XP

2006-09-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

Yes, today is my birthday... WIll be having a party on Saturday after CAT... Endure this week and hoping that I could make up for my exam scores which are so freaking unpleasant (Lolz, mali-mali na ang aking grammar...).

I was awaken by my mother, Titaw, Ate Elma and Ate Girlie with a "Happy Birthday" song with Titaw holding a small cake with a candle on it. I thought they will leave me be during the night... I was supposed to sleep again but now here I am posting on my blog...

Last night, surprisingly, Atom talked to me... And I called him a panda... I really like to call him that because they have similarities... Ahehe... ^^. Mababaw lang nga talaga ako... Napapangiti na lang... *chuckles*

I used (ang ganda ng term!) Ate Elma to finish up a face mask and I have no idea why I was exhausted after that... Later on, a sudden headache settled in and I logged out and fell asleep instantly... I really want to sleep... Mental exhaustion? I don't know and who cares...

My friends are going crazy over planning the party on Saturday headed by David and Krizzia. Hay, marami atang activities yun... But I want a fun party... And to completely alter my way of life... Hehe...

I'm reading "The Icarus Agenda" by Robert Ludlum. Hehe. Didn't really expect to have such a risky decision... I'm also getting in touch with arts again... I want to create an artwork during the Christmas vacation. For now, I'll be settling with doodles on scratch papers and immitating Anime' characters... I'm losing my touch... Goodness... *sighs*

More updates soon... REALLY... Soon... visit my Multiply... LethalBerry

I will not mention Part 2... Let me mention my messy room...

2006-09-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

This would be the shortest post I have ever made in the history of my blogging career. (Lolz... kinareer na ba 'to?)

Will have all-nighter review... meaning I'll be reviewing and not learning stuff since it was already discussed... Maybe I will be reading some texts from books but I will not push new knowledge if it's simply unnecessary.

Suggest ideas for our research in AP - it's kind of making me interested on poverty now. I searched the net a while and I'm going deeper... Oh, research thrills are back again! Yay! ^_^

Clean my room - how many times have I posted this? I'm simply a messy kind of girl... I usually leave my room unattended... Ang dami pang mga papel dito sa tabi-tabi. Lolz, ang yaman ko sa papel! XP

Start reading a book again - I'm thinking of reading either Coelho or Ludlum. Hehe. :3

Ok, good luck to me! Nyao! =^_^= ~ja!

Almost concluding succession of events...

2006-09-08T20:30:00.001+08:00

Yesterday... Uggghhh... Don't remind me. This is the most unbelievable day of my life so far (Ok, let's say a unique one...). My feet filled with scabs... two for each foot but I'm glad I had such a sense of freedom even for a day. Maraming issue kasi kahapon... Want to know what are these controversies? Wahaha! XP I will laugh as I recall this heck of a day... *ROFL*

I woke up somewhere in between 4:30 - 4:45 AM... I so freaking tired that I don't want to wake up. I look like hell when I woke up but I urged my body to move, did my usual bath and other rituals and stuff then off to school I went. I got there exactly at 5:30 AM. Mind you I was wearing our P.E. T-shirt, pants and our combat shoes... I even used my usual white scoks instead of the appropriate black ones... Halatang tamad na akong magpalit... XP Some of us walked while the others (including me...) got the chance to ride the school's authorized vehicle. Swerte! Akala ko jeep na kami... Anyway, I was seated beside my ever-loyal friend, David Pado... *flashback a few minutes back*

"Ang cute ng dahon," he said while we were waiting for my two Chuck Taylor rubber shoes since the others are not even wearing the combat shoes.

"Nasan?" I answered.

"Ang cute ng dahon..."

"Oi, *toot*, are you okay?!"

"*toot* ka pa dyan..."

-_-;;

Sarap bang sapukin? Lolz... sampal siguro...

Ok, going back to the story, we arrived at the venue and walked around the municipal office, stared out of nowhere, taking stolen shots, saw some high school students who are wearing this Bonakid-inspired uniforms... May naninigarilyo, may jologs, may tibo... May kikay sa kabila... Ang sama ng tingin ng iba... Para kaming alien dun! Mga EPAL!

*ehem* We walked around the different barangays and as we walked we always encounter *shit* (and I mean literally a *SHIT*) every inch... We smelled different kinds of smell, laughing out loud, the presence of a wasted person. TALAGA...

After all the walking, we walked towards the nearest Jolibee that we could find. Some ate rice (like me...) but all of us munched on a lot of French Fries... Ilan ba yun? Di ko na mabilang yung dami ng French Fries na hinablot namin sa Jolibee... Tiba-tiba samin yung branch na yun ah? Lolz... XP Later on, the school vehicle arrived... Di kami kasya lahat so some of us rode a jeep and went to school...

Here's where the twist began...

When we arrived at school, we were a total waste. Para kaming mga gago na biglang sumulpot sa Lorenzo... Haha! XP I changed my clothes and wore my usual uniform. When I went inside the SG office, our AP teacher, Sir Jude, together with Kenneth and David were surprised when I changed... Bakit pa raw ako nagpalit... ^^;; My feet began to hurt and I rested. Our AP teacher insisted that we go back to our classrooms but I was tired... Filipino pa naman namin yun... Wahaha! Ganun din, makakatulog din ako, just like what happened to me today in our double-period Filipino earlier this day...

After recess, I went up together with Andrea but I saw Trisk and the others standing in front of the Principal's office. I thought we did something mischievous or something but I don't recall anything unruly in our actions so obviously I asked Trisk about it. He said he will ask for an excuse for all of us. I instantly protested since I had enough of my rest during the one subject I missed including our recess time. I said I will go back to my classroom and went in my next subject, which is CLE. Our CLE teacher, which is also our class adviser, asked us (the ones who joined the ALAY LAKAD) if we wanted to be excused. I didn't change my mind and continued on with our lesson proper.

I was suprised when the others went out of the classroom. Kami na lang ni Bernie and natirang mg CAT officers dun sa classroom. Nagulat ako kaya sinundan ko sila tapos parating na English teacher namin! WAH! Takbo na 'ko and I heard that they will be staying at the library so I went there. Wala sila. Good thing Karl and Dan went down and I had some companions as I went back to our room.

"Alex, are you excused from your classes?" our English teacher said.

"Uhmmm, ewan ko po..." I mumbled.

"O, hindi mo pala alam, upo ka na lang," she responded amusingly.

When I saw the expression of her face, I knew then that she's pissed off. TOTALLY. She dragged Katrin out of our classroom, she let us answer our Skill Builder and stuff. A few minutes later...

"Sino ang mga kasama sa Alay-Lakad dito?" our English teacher irritated.

Bernie and I stood.

"According to this letter... you are excuse from class until lunchtime...blah...blah...blah... IT IS COMPULSARY."

Whatda?! Ok... no comment, we went down.

A lot of things happened next. It simply is a hell of a day... -_-

Part 2 next post na lang... Remember, umaga pa lang yan... Pagod na ko... Next time na lang ulet! :D

~ Ja matta ne! =^_^=

Almost concluding succession of events...

2006-09-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

Oh crap... sleepy eyes

2006-09-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

Nakatulog nanaman ako... Di pa ako kumakain ng hapunan... May exam mamaya... May epal na mga retests at mga reviews ngayon... May homework sa Filipino na kay haba-haba pero di ko pa nasisimulan... 1:13 AM na... Nawawala review materials ko sa MAPEH... Wala pang box para sa portfolio namin sa Physics... Still worried na galit siya sa akin and I hope he understands my situation... Never had a complete sleep for more than 2 weeks straight now... Tapos na mga projects ko... 1st Trimestral Examinations na... Di muna ako masyadong online... Masakit na ulo ko... I'm anxious about everything I do... Nahihilo-hilo na ako sa antok... Mali-mali na mga sagot ko sa mga activities sa school... Uggghhh... I need sleep... Badly...

Di ko na kinaya ang antok at nakatulog na lang bigla while I was watching this episode of "Desperate Housewives" and I don't know why am I watching it anyway... Dapat pahinga ko yun kasi I was expecting more things to do kaso di ko na kaya... Di na ako makapag-isip ng maayos... Mamaya maasar pa siya sakin kung gaga-gaga nanaman mga sagot ko sa kanya... Ayokong magalit siya... I felt the sleepiness enveloping, dominating me. And I fell asleep.

I just woke up almost 40 minutes ago... Oh, crap! Wala pa akong nagagawa... Releasing tensions muna ako... *breathes* Wah! Mas maaga klase ngayon... 7:00 AM... *sighs*... Sino ba nakaimbento ng ganitong schedule?! >_<>_<

Exams na... Goodness... Hindi ko siya masyadong makaka-usap... Ayokong magalit sakin yun... Sana naman maintindihan niya... Ang dami pang gagawin... T.T

Hay... I want to be with him... *sighs* My birthday's coming... ACET also fast approaching... No money for my needs and wants... Hay... nababaliw na ako...

Ok... time for work... ^_^; Good luck sa akin sa exams! :3

Going Gaga Over Outrageous...

2006-09-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

Majority (Ok... almost all...) of the people I know don't even know my love for outrageous styles whether in clothing, Anime', music, etc. You know why? I'm simply dumb that I'm being beaten out by that darn fear... Ok, enough accusations for the unseen assertions... -_-

Now why am I telling you this? Uhm, because I want to and this is my blog... obviously... But there's another reason though... Hehehe... I want to flaunt it... All laid out for you to see... XP How? Ok, ok... so you won't be seing me in outrageous clothing until my birthday... SEPTEMBER 19... or should I say I should celebrate in on the 23rd? Uhmmm... let's get back to the topic... *ehem*

I don't really know if I looked stupid when I went to SM Megamall a while ago since a lot of people were staring at me, which made me kind of freaked out but I simply ignored it unlike before... I'm telling you, I would simply hide in a place where people wouldn't usually go and roam around there so that I won't be a freakazoid in the midst of the mob... That was before... Funny how I managed to survive the rest of the day... Let me tell you my Saturday... This Saturday...

6:30 AM - Woke up, fixed backpack, ate breakfast, took a bath... the usual morning routines...

7:05 AM - Rushed out of the door , walked the silent street of Alexander and hailed the only tricycle we spotted... XP

7:10 - 8:00 AM - Went to school, put down my stuff and I suddenly played volleyball with my fellow CAT officers (... then David having a swollen left ankle after a nice hit on the volleyball... nice.... XP)

8:10- 8:25 AM - We were asked to form in the quadrangle and then we had a 15-minute break and I went to One-Shop and hanged out with Trisk, Emman, Vinjill and Arvin at Uncle Vincy's and I ate what I bought from One-Shop (Oishi Ridges Green with Sola Iced Tea Lemon... P49.50)

9:00 AM - We were asked to form again in the quadrangle and we practiced the Fancy Drills... again... with scarce number of people... dry runs...blah blah blah...

10:30 - 10:45 AM - Supposed to be a 5-minute break but I guess they were preparing for the Map Reading session... Hehehe...

10:45 AM - 12:00 PM - Map Reading Discussion

12:00 - 1:35 PM - Ate lunch, played volleyball and later on in the game there joined our commandant and then there was a strange drizzle and the rain fell hard... then we waited for it to end then played again and after all the hilarious plays, we changed from our athletics attire to our uniforms (I had trouble with the folding of the pants... Haha! XP)

1:35 - 2:00 PM - Waited for the cadets/cadettes to arrive... Still fixing ourselves and filling out all the missing details on our uniforms...

2:00 - 4:25 PM - Cadets/Cadettes came, dry runs... Suddenly asked to be an usherette when I don't know how to do it but I managed to recall SOME (since that was the time I was sick and I had to go home early... -_-)...

4:25 PM - Assisted the President of the school, Arrival Honor, blah blah blah...

5:00 PM - I asked permission to go home... When I went out they asked me if I'm going to eat with them (duh... may party malamang may food...) but I refused the offer and ran since I received a text message from Mama that she's still waiting for me in the office...

6:00 PM - Arrived at Megamall with the OUTRAGEOUS CLOTHING ON... Boho skirt, 80's style top (sleeveless top covered with a loose blouse on top...), flip flops, headband, myogul beaded bracelet, dangling earrings... the usual outrageous style but for me that was nice :D

7:00 - 8:00 PM - Heard a mass...

8:00 - 9:05 PM - Bought presents for Earl and Jacques at Comic Alley... ^_^

9:05 - 9:30 PM - Went to Yoshinoya to eat... Insisted that we should order a Gyoza... Wahaha! XP Mama didn't like it so I ate it... my iced tea spilled out... strange guys with black get-up (probably Anime' addicts or poser rockers... ) staring at me which is so irritating... -_- A gay also staring at me, lovers staring at me... I felt like a total jerk but I don't care...

9:30-9:45 PM - I went to Bench Body while Mama was looking for a white dress bag for my uniform... rushed towards the supermarket...

10:30 PM - Cashier, paid at the counter, I was waiting for them while I'm composing a poem on my cellphone... People still staring at me... -_-;;

10:45 - 11:00 PM - Went to the parking lot, had a little chat with Mama about what happened today, I almost broke a dozen eggs XP, put the groceries at the trunk of the car, went inside and went to the gasoline station...

11:00 PM - 11:34 PM - Going home... I suddenly asked about why people call Fairy Tale a FAIRY tale... (That's a cue that I'm so tired...>_<), slept in the car... 11:45 PM - Went online, posting on my blog... :3

Well, that composes my day... Haha! See yah! This is not really a decent post, right? Hehe... Later! XP

I Don't Feel It Anymore...

2006-09-01T19:50:00.000+08:00

I can't feel "being 16"... When I suddenly ripped off the August calendar, I was engrossed to the fact that I'll be older again. My usual ritual is that I would cry the day before of my birthday that's why I look like hell when it's the actual day. I guess this year, I will not sob and break down because of nothing. I believe that's a good start.

I feel like a boulder has been lifted out of my shoulders and it's a blessing that I have conquered partly of my fears. I do wish that I could continue this even though I'm sure that I have not done the greatest job so far. You have to stink in order to be clean again... It's what we call regeneration... a reawakening of our once bright light we possess within...

I'm itching to break free in something I can't even comprehend myself. I always believed that I'm entrapped into something mushy and gross milieu... It's like a comfty shell with stones underneath something like that... Hehe... Just imagine that... Maybe I like pain and I'm craving for more? That's simple inhumane... and stupid...

Okay... that was kind of freaky but at least the sensation has finally subsided and I wanted to somehow alter old things since I can't go out of this mayhem... XP

Ok... I guess I'll be posting a decent post some other time... ^^; ~Ja matta ne! :D

Misunderstood... misinterpreted...

2006-08-27T15:23:00.000+08:00

Eto ang hirap sa buhay na lagi ka na lang inaakalang ganito o ganyan... Minsan ayaw mo na tuloy gawin yung mga gusto nilang gawin mo tapos sa huli kapag inisip mo ng ayaw mo na, lahat ay lalayo sa'yo dahil nagkamali ka lang... Nakakasawa na rin ang eksena na ganito...

Oh yes, the classical misinterpretation. I don't know. Maybe I should expect even more criticism after high school. Madali pa raw ata ang buhay high school. In my part though, I have limited space to move around. Mama will suddenly be shock why the bill's high or why is it that I talk with people online. Seriously, if only people will understand my situation. I don't know anything about life yet...

I'm not ashamed of what I am right now. I just suddenly miss the old times. May kalaro pa ako sa labas ng bahay, you can do anything you want without limitations and stuff but I guess I have to face the fact that nothing will be the same again. I always thought that events repeats itself until you instill a lesson in you. In my case, I have to confess that I'm doing nonsense right now. Posting ridiculous stuff. No, this is not ridiculous though; this is a serious matter.

I'm going to graduate LRMS and I don't know anything yet. I'm tired, I'm confused, I'm simply innocen t for the harsh reality. I have to admit that I have nothing to fight against shocking changes. Malay ko ba kung magiging real-life rakista na ako or a kikay chuva in the near future?

Whatever this life has for me, I have to find my purpose... and I'm saying this for the second time. Feeling ko may kulang eh... Talagang may kulang eh... Takot nanaman ba ang paiiralin? No, of course... Edi hanapin... Duh... -_-

Screw fear... I would like to congratulate myself for not being a scaredy cat yesterday as I wear the style I want to wear. Woohoo! I felt like a true PunkiStar for the first time... Wahaha! One step at the time talaga...

Isang Baliw... My Friendster blog... wala lang... trip ko lang kasi doon ko ilalagay lahat ng mga nasa isip ko... I mean it will be really outrageous and that's my true style... ^_~ Napagtripan ko nanaman ang Friendster... Ewan ko ba... gusto ko lang ng publicity. Lolz. Ang babaw ko naman... I just want to try it out. Ano ba naman ang masama sa pagsubok sa hindi mo pa alam... HINDI MO PA ALAM AH!!! :P

Grrr... screw Monotony! >_<

2006-08-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

It is as simple as 1,2 everyday... Bahay, School, Bahay, School... Kulang na lang eh maging pader na ako ng bahay at ng school... It really IS boring. There are consolations here as well such as shelter, protection, warmth, belongingness. Still, you want to delve to new places and make the most of it in the long run for you will end up inside the four corners of your home when the dusk envelope the skies. How I wish I could dare challenge my limits and then go back to where I were. But life is not like that...

I don't know... In between my Physics write-up, I suddenly felt this emotion screaming out "Bland life!" in my head intermittently. I just realized while I was editing my Blogger profile that I've been doing insignificant things for myself. What I meant here is that some of the things I do like simply eating merienda and go to work habit became a sudden pissed-off event in an instant. Haha! I guess my body's reacting with stress and lack of sleep again... I should've slept earlier tonight... *sighs*

It seems that this being wants to EXPERIENCE... At least go out and meet new people and embrace new environment... Sawa na nga ako sa buhay na sobrang wala ng pinapagawa sa'yo... pwera lang naman yung schoolworks... Hehehe.... :P

Lastly, all I can say is that I want search for my life's purpose... Baka naman yung "The Alchemist" ang may kasalanan? Haha! Dream on! Partly yes, but I had this sensation that somewhere out there, something hitted a spot in my body. What could that be? Oh well, thanks to that. Hehe. ^^ I now know something about my purpose... even if it's a glimpse for now. ^_~

Uhmmm... Uggghhh... _-_'

2006-08-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

I'm out of myself once again and I know that I can't control that. I feel stupid today that some of my words are slurred? Tama ba? I guess so... I mean I can't think straight during class though I think I had a better sleep unlike last night since I pain-stakingly finished adorning our "sayings" for the door decor. I was kind slow in making it because I'm dealing with RUGBY! Nakakaadik yung amoy... @_@ Trust me... It took hours to vanquish the smell out of my room... >_< ALONE. Hay... Come to think of it, tomorrow would be the judging and I'm the one they're eyeing on to explain it... >_<IDEA' *chi-ching!* on how to explain our Muslim-Christian-Moro-Moro-Super-Ethnicky (new word, lolz!)- Swirly-adorned-BBQ stick-filled door decor... (I really want to extend it even further but this will do... XP) Really... I will take a picture of it and smack it here... or somewhere else... ;)

.::Deprived--::. project already materialized! Woohoo! At last, a lair for those stolen shots both my digicam and camera on my phone + drawings, doodles, etc.... Simply a place to stock everything artsy! Hehe... ^_~ I really want to do this so that I won't have to burden myself in changing the styles of my borders again and again when I change layout here.... Another secret exposed... Ohohoho! XP This would be the first time that I used iFrames for a layout... MADE BY ME! Nyao! =^_^= So happeeeehhh!!! Weee!!! :3 Another wish granted. Hehe. ^^

Ok, serious talk. I have decided about last Monday's decision-making and I end up with a verdict. I will stick on it and now, I'm not going to ponder on it anymore. Speaking of revamping, I'm telling you, it's not easy... I was tried earlier this day about it but I guess I'm getting a hang of it. Somehow, some of my actions are misinterpreted... Haha! Typical... I'm really used to it and learned how to live with it actually. Ironically, I want to do something else... Something even more daring than this... Well, I want to probe on this matter...

Later guys! :3

You won't even notice... Something has changed...

2006-08-20T10:08:00.000+08:00

Rain pouring down again. Wow, never had a justified sleep for almost 3 months. Never did I realize that I was working that hard and come to think of it, exams are fast approaching and I'm so pissed off with my issues. It's testing my patience badly...

I just got a new haircut and I felt that a lot of hair from my head, which made it so heavy and stressing, finally removed out of my head... Hahaha! It feels like... uhmmm... simply light. :3 At least I got to shed off the hair for this month since I feel like my hair is simply a pain whenever I get ready for school... simply uncontrollable @_@. My problem, my verdict will be released tomorrow if I should do it or not. Surprisingly, I'm not amused by the events in my life recently, but who said that life should be simply awed to? Those people think that their bliss is their own obnoxiousness... I loathe those people, makes me remember the problem... *breathes* Ok, I have forgiven this person though...

I was sick yesterday and this made my day a sham. I missed a CAT training and I feel like my heart's about to burst out of its cage and bleed exorbitantly. Ok, that's kind of gross but at that moment, I just realized how strong this heart of mine. Grabe, hindi siya yung tipong nawawala sa pagtibok ng puso and you suddenly faint. It's actually yearning for more challenges... Strange really. And I'm serious about this.

I'm almost done with "The Alchemist" and I miss doing other things. I'm longing for a new activity after my senior year... I want to go wild for a change, I mean, I'm already going wild right now. Something has changed and I guarantee that this change a positive one this time.

Acknowledgement: I would like to thank *toot* for making me a strong person. I could control myself now. Thanks for that... My ever-loving mother for slapping the reality on my face last Tuesday. Haha! *ehem* I would also like to thank Kring, Moki, Tsebi, Kekang, Mark, Che-che, Pre-pre, Jeko, JC, AJ, Bokekang, Dencio, Kyutipai (Lolz! Ka-loveteam ni Tsebi :3... kahit nasa US na, salamat sa competition sa SG!), Kuya Glenn, Kuya Jedo, Kuya Loloy, Kuya Chekwa, Gaks, Andrea, Zarah, Penguin, Kat-kat, sa lahat ng mga "academic competitor" daw :P, si Sir Jorge (Go Theresians, go Jorgians!), sa mga wacky classmates ko sa St. Therese, Shai-shai =^_^=, Kuya Shoegi, Ate Touya, Ate KK, Meann, Manong RJ, Manang Lizette, Manang Boots, Manang Bop, Lolo Jam, Kuya Kyosuke, Kuya Edron, and buong PIONEER NG AC (tayo ang original!), Ate Elma, Ate Girl, Titaw, sa aking CAT friends, schoolmates, bitches, whores, emotionally-disturbed people (like I was...), sa LRMS alumni, basta... SA LAHAT! Hehehe.... ^_^

These people and the other people I failed to mention (sorry...), salamat talaga... I will not fail you guys... ^_^ That's all. ~ja!

I'm still thinking about it... Just wait...

2006-08-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm still pondering on this entangled situation in my life... This is really weird in my part for I haven't experienced this in my life... Heart or mind? Which will I reign supreme? This is bad... really bad... I don't want to share exactly this situation unless we could talk personally... As if that person really cares... I don't know... Huhuhuhuhuhuhu... I will not even tell you if it's something academic or personal... Basta may problema ako... ok?

Surprisingly, my mother is having a solemn party, as I could observe. I couldn't really hear the boisterous laughter below and I'm worried sick of my mother. She just had a fever and I'm anxious that she might not feel well tomorrow... >_< To top it all, I don't even have a gift for her... *sighs* Bibili na lang ako bukas... hehehe.... ^^

I just got my CAT uniform adorned with 3 patches/logos: Name plate (surname) , Air Force logo and the school logo. I look like an MMDA traffic officer together with the combat shoes... Buti na lang pinatahi ko yung name plate kanina or else mababaliw ako sa init ng uniform... The only problem is that we will have to wear it for 2 straight days... Fridays and Saturdays... What do you think of the smell... Eeeeewww.... XP The CAT Officers' Reception pictures are now up for grabs! Anyone interested may contact me through YM... Hahaha! :3

To conclude this post, I'm still thinking about it... I need time and I'm confused... simply confused... later, guys...

Oh s... Oh s!!!

2006-08-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

I believe no one has been reading my posts recently so might as well post here than scribble on my notebook which is simply impossible for me to do... Procrastination stirring once again and I'm resisting it as I always do...

"When you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve it..."

I can't help thinking about this line from the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho and thank God I'm reading again! At least I will not have to squish in my schedule my reading longings... I somehow feel agitated by those different formats for our story evaluations and book info reports... I'm working on this pencil-shaped one right now... I have no idea how do the teachers here get theire ideas of a format... I'm already reminded by my Physics write-up which I unintentionally finished with 6 pages... Don't wow this fact... The thought already makes me shiver *trembles* O_O

To-do list... Ooohhh... Try looking at my cellphone together with my Calendar. It's all filled out. Very surprising, hectic, and NORMAL. Sa apat na taon ko na isang high school student sa Lorenzo, these projects are simply a pain in the head... Skewers... Still, as I said before, I will not whine about it. It simply is part of my life... HINDI PA RIN AKO SANAY! X3

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and once again, I'll be the official photographer. At least this year, I could take a good shot with my digicam... Let me predict what will happen. THIS IS 100% ACCURATE!

*My room will be a total wreck after all the kids in the party who will DEFINITELY SAVAGE my newly-cleaned room... Kaya madalas tinatamad na akong maglinis dito... Bumabalik... Lolz...

*I will sleep LATE! LATE! LATE! >_< Come to think of it, may CAT pa ako the next day...

*I cannot do anything anymore... I'm simply summoned in the party.

I believe there's more though... I'm simply open to the happenings tomorrow... Ironically, I don't have a gift for my mother.

Uhmmm... I believe I'm starting to despise something... *raises eyebrow*

Ok... let's see if I can post here tomorrow... -_-...

A Simple Message of Hiatus...

2006-08-16T00:35:00.000+08:00

I guess I should admit that I could not handle a lot of things at a time and simply concentrating on blogging made my common sense dull since I don't get to witness the highlights of my life. I ALWAYS LAMENT. I HAD ENOUGH. It doesn't mean though that I'm going to stop blogging but I guess the eagerness of blogging will simply be put in a lower scale. I have reality to face even if I have to whine about it. I mean that's what my love showed me and in return, I didn't show it to him... A very big consequence to face.

You could check out some of the photos here and I'll be taking pictures while I'm away from blogging. Again, I 'm not refraining myself from blogging. Again, I'm not. Ok?

I also realized that I should not only express myself through writing but also in front of the person you want to express your thoughts and feelings. I guess it is inevitable to experience such a downfall. I learned my lesson.

What will I do away from the blog? I will continue my life and give more time to the ones I really care the most. I would be developing and unravelling abilities that I know surging within my soul. I will become a better person for the one I love and this is the wake-up call. I will definitely wake up now. I will explore new places, new people and a new environment but of course I will not neglect my home and my school. Siguro nga masyado ko ng binalingan ng atensyon ang pagiging mataas... Isn't that stupid? Haha! Come to think of it, I never had reasons to study not until now. Ok, maybe besides my mother and her unending affection towards me that driven me to places of learning and go crazy over it. I HAD ENOUGH PAINS TO ENDURE.

The bottom line here is that I will be a better person and lead my life with or without complaining about my life. I have realized my blessings before but never really UTILIZE it WISELY. Grabe no? Sasabihan nyo pa akong matalino...? What's the use of being an intellectual to others if it only sees your mistakes? Ok, awat na ang philo side ko...

Well, we'll see when would be my next update. See you then! ^_^

This life is under renovation...

2006-08-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened this week except for the arrival of our IDs. Honestly speaking, I look more decent here than in any other IDs I had in the past. Lolz. Mukha akong manang noon lalo na nung Grade 6... Hay... the old stuff... It spices the laughs everytime... :P Ok, I'm currenlty drowned within tons of schoolworks and tons of projects and write ups that I was kind of disappointed at one point when I was sabotaging my ballpens earlier in my life... How I wish I could make it up to my ballpens... As if I could do that... XP

*ehemehem* =^_^= I'm simply beaten up by a lot of schoolworks that I don't even have the time to do other personal things. Nonetheless, I enjoy it... Weird, no? Siguro nasanay na ako na maraming ginagawa kaso mali ang pagkakahalo ng lahat... I guess that's what we call fates... The inevitable facts... Darn... >.>

Maybe you've noticed some changes? Not yet? I will not tell you what it is... Just take a look around. Hehe. :D I also have some photos that I took a while ago and my new id! Lolz. :P I simply want to explore new stuff like photography. Check it out! ^_~

Sometimes, I blame myself for not continuing what I already started simply because I'm either busy or simply preoccupied by senseless obligations. I really want to pursue a part of my dream to be utterly creative in many ways... Hope I could still do that on the long run... There's no time left... And so am I... Later, guys! c",

After UPCAT... blah... blah...

2006-08-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

After taking UPCAT yesterday, it rained really hard and I was not satisfied with what happened during the test... Ang dami kong blangko... T_T Huhuhuhu... It really stinks... Grrr... I'm not really sure if I could make Mama's dream a reality though I really wish that I could enter UP. I'll still aim for Ateneo and De La Salle as well.

Also after UPCAT, Mama and I ran as fast as we could to the car, which she parked near a 'fishbolan' (Nyahaha! X3). I'm supposed to be seated next to Mama in the car but Titaw was there so I opened the back door (Malamang! :P) . I was surprised to see my nephew, Earl, sitting at the back of the driver's seat playing with his Nintendo DS. We passed by Jolibee Visayas Ave. to munch on some Chicken Joy and sundaes and we went to my aunt's house at Quezon City. While I was there, the usual mahjhong tournament began once again (Ibig sabihin lang nun panira ang pagsundo sa akin sa UP sa moments ng laro... Lolz...) and I was with my nephews together with my cousin, Manang Boots. Here are some of our photos. Nyuknyuk... :3

I also decided to continue old stuff. Hehe. One good example would be the doodles I drew at the back of my computer notebook while my partner was whining about Visual Basics (Lagi naman eh! Haha! Buti tapos na ako... :D). I drew new layout concepts and some other ideas that lingered in my mind. Syempre, di ko papakita yung mga doodles. Bleh! :P Ok... eto na lang deal... pakita ko na lang pero di ko na gagawin... Haha! :3

Ok... enough is enough for my post... please be reminded that some small alterations will be made without prior notice. (Hahaha! XP)

The Eve of UPCAT

2006-08-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

I'm so stupid... Haha! Think about it... I should be sleeping by now but I'm not. I'm posting. Harhar... Anyway, I have nothing else to say but I'm simply stupid... (Pabida nanaman ang kawalang kakwentahan ko... lolz...) I really wish that a free spa gift certificate would fall from the sky while I'm within the UP Campus tomorrow... As if it could happen... (Takte, ano nanaman ba itong sinasabi ko... O_o;)

Obviously, I'm releasing not really stress but loosen myself from all those oversights... Yes... oversights... I also want to start a countdown for my birthday... Oh wait, not now... I need to sleep... X3

I really want to know new smileys and new bands and new chords and new tabs and new songs and I want an electric guitar with tuner and strap and some cool new clothes and new computer, new lifestyle, new friends, new experiences, new ideas, new thoughts, new artworks/masterpieces, new books, new criticism, new adventures, new happiness (besides the happiness I;m experiencing... ^_^), new self, new confidence, new elucidations, new DVD's and VCD's. new music, new artists, new programs, new people, new surroundings, new concepts, new accessories, new Anime' to draw my attention to, new perception of life, new avidness, new cellphone (At least something better... Nyuknyuk! :3), new hairstyle, new body figure, new sport/s, new hobbies, new places, new TV shows, new iPod (in this case, Ii want a Nano... Wahehehe :P), new band to be with, new musical instruments (I want to try drums this time... vocals na rin kaya?!), new snuggles, new coloring materials, new beads, new channel on cable, new events, new gigs, new laughs, new changes (gets nyo ba itong part na ito? *silence*), new juice, new recipes, new achievements, new... new... new...

This composes LekLek's eve of UPCAT... Tune in for the "Eve of ACET" and "Eve of DLSUCET" and any other CETs that I'll be taking... probably these three would be the main feature of this blog...

I want to either create a new blog or makes some snazzy changes in my Mama's batch site, which obviously is impossible for me to do since I have tons of schoolwork. Hoorah!!! =_=

45 DAYS UNTIL MY 16TH BIRTHDAY!!! WAHOO!!! XP I really hope that they would drag me elsewhere like eating out or simply fill my inbox with a lot of greetings or testimonials... I really want to feel special for that day... I NEED AN ALARM CLOCK! Lolz! Sinira (no... winasak) ko ang alarm clock ko... wala na yung Korean sound that annoys me every morning! Meowr! =-_-= Nah... I just want a book... please lang wag naman yung walang kwenta... >_<

Oh yeah, this is the real me... not restrained with stuff like uhmmm... Grammatical accuracy and stuff... Spontaneous... this is art... this is my ideas...

What's my wish (I like the term 'hope' better...) ? I want to pursue Business Administration and then Masters and then I will build my mother a mini grocery store as I have promised her... I want that badly to happen. Though I have a problem... analysis... darn it... I want to excel in that part... Sabihin mo ng matalino ka pero iba pa rin na wais ka sa buhay...

GUSTO KO TULOY MAGLUTO... *sighs* I want to do the laundry, clean the house, take care of plants, yet they won't even let me handle a knife.... GRRR.... T_T Wala lang... UPCAT... here I come! :D

This is all about the turbulence...

2006-08-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

I would rather not receive distressing comments for this post. It may be stupid but I guess there is a time when I have to release the troubling pain or doubt from me. I'm telling you, it's terrible. IT IS DEFINETELY STUPID for others.

I don't want to mention names. I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I can't express myself clearly and in my part, it hurts since I tend to keep it with myself just like those any other events in my life. Maybe I'm sick mentally or something though I hope not. I just want to survive...

I was thinking about how things are going on for us. I was thinking deeply of all the reasons why I'm having these thoughts preoccupying my mind during class. Eventually, I would end up with a conclusion that maybe I was clinging on to the fact that no one will ever care for me the way that person cared or maybe I'm just overreacting, I'm not sure now. I'm not afraid of hurting this person, I'm afraid of hurting myself AGAIN. You see, I hate to cry anymore, I have no tears left to remorse on the things that already flew away, unattainable learnings. I was thinking that maybe I'm wasting everything: my time, my money, my feelings... SIMPLY EVERYTHING.

Maybe I was fooled once again, what do you think? I'm simply stupid. I'm caring for a person who can't even find a way to prove whatever that person claims he does. I'm tormented by the fact that maybe I'm just fooling myself and I'm just denying it. I JUST DON'T FEEL THAT THIS PERSON CARES. I just can't feel that this person EVEN CARES.

Now, my logic is battling in my head. Should I distance from this person? I care for this person and the more that I think about this person, the more I regret now... Maybe I'm wasting everything. Honestly, I can't do whatever I want to do now. I feel limited to what this person wants but I enjoy it in the end. Still, I miss the times when I could freely be myself when other people are facing the other way. I'm simply a silent artist.

I'm also thinking that maybe I'm depressed. Why am I depressed? Is it because of my childhood? COME ON!!! Why do I need to lament on that?! It's been years since it happened. I still can't move on. The rejections? It could be the reason. EVERYTHING I DO, IT'S NOT ENOUGH, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH... I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!

I just hope I still have the will. No, I still have it. I just don't have the courage or the vigor to go ahead in my life. I simply just need help. I'm falling apart once again. I'm drowning... Help me...

The usual before-the-test blues...

2006-08-03T19:36:00.000+08:00

Reviews... the anxiety of all the test takers for all I know. Even if this is the first time (and of course the only chance...) for me to take UPCAT, I just expect the impossible. Though many of our seniors assured us of an easy test, it still is the impossible that we have to dread... It's not like I'm reluctant to take the test. I mean, thousands of applicants and hope-to-be-Iskolar ng Bayan people will cluster within the perimeter of UP. I have no assurance for my entrance in this prestigious university. Maybe I'm thinking about the "aftermath" if ever I end up in UP.

When I was young, I always wanted to be part of UP. Of course, as time goes by, after my cousins have studied their and now hold great job titles in their own fields, I just want to probe within the wonders of the university; how does it hones its students. I just want to feel the magic behind the greatest university of the country. I always thought of it that way and I want to somehow experience that though I know its not really magic that transforms a student.

Blues... Besides the UPCAT, I'm actually doing my best in everything I could be connected with. EVERYTHING. One, would be the person who keeps on filling my tagboard with ludicrous characters and point of views, who I really want to help me to at least uplift my spirits about this but it seems to be likewise. I mean, I just want that person to be simply be HIMSELF and not give me the CRAP of special treatments containing numerous amount of profanity, which made me wonder if this person really cares for me. I just can't find a way to reach out to him... CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITH THIS?! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS WRONG... >_<

Another point, my unexplainable preoccupation during school hours. Ok, I don't mean schoolwork but I'm pertaining to these "thoughts" that I can't categorize as something helpful or something harmful for me. It even lingers in my mind during the night before I sleep... Goodness...

The third one would be the schedule of my activities. It's a good thing that our reception didn't push through this week. They wanted badly for us to wear those uniforms. In my part though, since I'm a senior, I don't think that it will be that useful for me. I mean, I'll be leaving my school in a few months... Imagine that... Honestly, my CAT schedule kind of dismantled my plan for the weekend. I can't attend at our organization's meetings... if ever there are still meetings. I just hate the fact that I don't have the time to take a break. My Sundays became my accomplishing-school-requirements day. =.=

These are just my current woes... Hope I could find the answer. I hope I could have a concrete or clarified answers to my questions. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Last question: Do you guys think that I'm TOO PASSIVE? I partly agree but how about you? Please defend your answer. Thanks! ^_^

Ja Mata, minna-san! ^0^

How I wish I know PHP... sighs

2006-08-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

My title isn't really related to what I'm about to post here (just like my other bunch of entries... lolz! XP) which doesn't seem to bother me at all since this is a FREE EXPRESSION. No limits whatsoever... Hehe.

News update about my life? Nothing much. I'm just about to take UPCAT this Sunday which suprisingly doesn't dread me as much as I was dreading on it for the past few months (and days... ^^;;). As a matter of fact, my aunt sent an advice via Mama and of course, I would follow her advice. Ahehe. ^^

This day is kind of freaky for me since I was having this self-talk as I always do and I was thinking about my outputs so far. For my old self, it's a total unsatisfaction but eventually, I accepted it and moved on. No grudges whatsoever. COOL! =^_^= How did I end up realizing that? Thanks to my ever-loving teachers that despite the fact that they should be giving out their lessons, they're preparing us for the upcoming exams. How sweet! ^_^ They also said a lot of advice for us to carry with us during the duration of the exams. We really need that; I really need that.

"...honest in actions and in words..." I like to quote these words for they were uttered by our own adviser who is also our CLE teacher. This is my lesson for the day: HONESTY doesn't always mean being literally HONEST but also being honest with ourselves TOTALLY. It really was a conundrum for me since I don't really know who I am as of this moment. It seems that a lot of heartaches will pass me by and I must be responsible enough to endure with the pain ahead of me.

"Kung ayaw mong masaktan, wag kang magpasakit..." This is another quote from our teacher which until now reverberates in my mind. It means that being TOO SELFLESS could be your own deadly lethal POISON. At first, it was a hilarious statement for me but in the end, it hitted me like a "BANG!" Wow, really a wake-up call...

Ok, let's relate this entry to my title... I really want to learn PHP so badly that I would like to start right now but of course, I can't. T_T Darn it. I really feel that I have wasted a lot of precious time. Ok... repenting time... I think I'm composing an incoherent statements in this entry... Let's end this mayhem. ~Ja mata! ^_~

Oh yeah... before I forget... THIS IS A FREE EXPRESSION SITE...!!! -_-

Relieving old wounds that agitated my being...

2006-07-29T20:08:00.000+08:00

Maybe I have given the wrong impression that I'm strong enough to handle a lot of things in life but well in fact, I'm not. I have given exaltation to the ones in dire seclusion but I myself didn't even salvage my own reputation? I have given thought about these things for a long, long time and up to this moment, it seems that even the ones I love the most are indignant of my actions and even notions at some point. Still, my soul is not yet relieved from the things that I intermittently putting in my system. I guess the intermittent part was the problem? Or is it something that I don't see at all...

I don't want to accuse anybody about this unruly life I lead on to. I just want this confusion to stop but I think I made it worse. Why am I so melancholic? Or should I say... why am I melodramatic? Whatever question is it that you prefer among the two is not a big deal to me for they only mean the same thing to me: How did I end up like THIS?

I don't want to evade this question and if you compare this situation on an entrance test, I'm sure to fail. Haha! Many people refer me as an intellectual person but ironically, I don't think I am. TOO MUCH INNOCENCE would be the answer for this mysterious side of me. My understanding became stagnant during my upper classmen years and I'm not ashamed of that fact. Nobody noticed it so I thought I was doing fine in my life. Later on, I suddenly had a feeling of guilt in terms of craving ang aggravation. Weird, huh? Maybe some of you have felt that way as well...

Hmmm... I haven't done my essay yet or should I say REPEATED IT! I was so tense about the exams and schoolwork that it totally slipped out of my mind during the week and I didn't have a chance to review properly this week. I have to make sacrifices and I should have done it before. WALA PA RIN AKONG PANININDIGAN and it saddened me that after all the attempts of moulding one, it will suddenly disperse somewhere else and do it again.

Oh life, so insane yet exciting... I just feel something's missing in me but I'm contented with what I already have. Though I may seem to be shaky and usually become off guard of the things I do, I thank God He's always considerate and I can't fathom his benevolence and that's a dream come true for me if ever I could reach such a level... Unbelievable...

Oh yeah, last Thursday and Friday, I watched the Black Eyed Peas and the Pussycat Dolls at the Araneta Colliseum and I had a chance to snag some cool shots though the B.E.P. pictures were kind of small since we're at the Upper Box. Haha! Good thing that we got a chance to see the PCD up close and I filled three Memory Cards just the pictures alone. ^^;; I believe I can't show it to you now but I will soon. Sorry I can't post them for now... >.<

Ja mata, minna-san! =^_^=

Letting paranoia penentrate me...

2006-07-23T07:49:00.000+08:00

A lot of people probably noticed the depleting number of posts that I've been doing so far but I guarantee you that I'm still continuing what I already started and I hope that the time and dedication that I poured out for this blog would not end up a waste after all.

As for my life, I confess that I'm not yet studying for the upcoming UPCAT and it's not that I'm reluctant to review or anything but for me, the scarcity of time and my "Easy come, easy go!" memory is now in full force so I'm having a glitvh at that part of me and of course, the stories that triggered this uphauling situation I'm experiencing... (Yes, UPHAULING!!!)

I'm actually revamping my "childish" (or should I say child-like -_-) behavior to "kid at heart" kind of thing and I'm telling you, I'm having a breakdown regarding the matter. It seems that as long as I keep up this transformation, it turns out to be a mayhem of some sort and it triggers my old buddy "procastination". Unbelievingly, it doesn't make any sense as an aftermath.

Why am i doing this? It's simple. I'm changing myself for my old self is full of s*** (Ok, this is the best description that could ever portray my personality...) . Do you want me to demonstrate the flowchart of my absurdity?

CHILDISHNESS --> OVERSIGHTS --> REJECTIONS --> FEARS --> CLANDESTINE --> PARANOIA --> ??? (What's next?)

Ok, that' my routinely cognition test to myself and I hope that you could help me with this dilemma... I hope you can for I'm going nutso here...

Regarding my status in life, bland and monotonous as usual and sometimes it's irritating when you know that you're not happy about something and you keep on holding on in it just for the sake of the others/other. I have no idea if it's simply my childish side motivated in hovering my life once again or simply my curiosity. I can't even define the direction of my life. It seems to me that I have taken a wrong turn somewhere and I have some circumstances that could possibly the stimulae of this unhappy state of my well-being. In fact, I've always been like this and a whole lot more that people don't bother considering as a fact and I'm tired of expressing myself because they don't seem to know how much I care for them and doubt it that I would cry over it and keep it within me.

I feel that I'm on my own, neglected and amputated by everything evil that clustered around me. I don't feel that I "belong" in this situation... There's something else and I have to unveil that in order to satisfy my lifelong questioning about everything especially myself.

I'm still digging up a lot of things meaning more excavations for me to tackle on and this is the end of my post for noe. ^_^

When the rain fell... I didn't cry...

2006-07-12T13:45:00.001+08:00

Ok, what's happening to my titles? Hehe. Nothing. I just can't seem to depict the emotional outbursts that I had for the past few days not to mention that I had experienced muscle spasms for the past few days. At least it has subsided but I have a new pain to endure... my head. I don't know why but yesterday somewhere between the subject we had before lunch, I felt my head feel this "numb" sensation and I can't think straight.... T_T The goo dthing is that I managed to pull off my quiz that time but it never gave me a chance for my English quiz... >.<

Classes are suspended today so I got a chance to post an entry here and here I am. Viola! XP Ok, I'm actually doing a lot of things now so that I won't have to cram when the submission of projects come. Still, even if I'm motivated today to do such activities, I'm sleepy and I must review for the entrance exams. >.< It's so near... O_O

I'm going to make this post as short as possible. I'm feeling kind of sleepy now and I'll be narrating some of my experiences soon or on my next post. ^_^ Oh well, got to go! ^_~ Siesta for me! :D Later!~ja!

When the rain fell... I didn't cry...

2006-07-12T13:45:00.000+08:00

There are what I call changes...

2006-07-09T09:47:00.000+08:00

I was suppose to post here last Thursday after the election but there was a sudden (not really sudden... ^^;; ) brown out here. I found out that I lost the Student Government elections. Hehe! ^_^ Seriously, I felt that a boulder has been lifted away from my shoulders because of such experience. As I have said to those who thought I'm in despair, I'm not. I'm actually glad that I didn't back out and fought a good fight. Regardless of all the humiliation I've felt, the most important thing that I relaized is that I CAN TAKE REJECTIONS NOW. I wished for this and I hope I could fulfill what I wished for. I felt ashamed because now I know what the people thought about me yet it motivated me to reveal my true self when one of the 4th year advisers asked us if someone could join the Yearbook committee and I instantly raised my hand. Wahehehe! =^_^= *meowr!*

Despite the fact that I wasn't the Student Government president, I could be rest assured that I'll be there when my mother celebrated her birthday on August 18! ^_^ Yay! :D (The so-called retreat at Baguio will be done together with the SG Adviser if ever I won and my mom's birthday will be crashed on by the schedule... huhuhuhuhu...) Anyway, I was accepted as an Aninaw Club member (the school's theater club) and I don't know why I was accepted yet I'm glad that I was given the chance... ^_^.

On the contrary, I was kind of frustrated at the remaining days of the week yet I wasn't angry or anything. It's just that I felt that something was wrong and here I am waiting for the reassurance. I don't know why I felt like that because of THIS but it seems that I HAVE DISREGARDED THE ESSENTIAL THING THAT MANY PEOPLE KEPT ON TELLING ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I can't help it for it was something special... something I can't contain in myself. Isn't that a frivolous notion? Hehe. Anyway, that's it for now.

Oh yeah, I'll be watching Superman later on at SM Mall of Asia in the IMAX theater. Yay! ^_^ I also got the whole series of Samurai Champloo and the VCD of Rurouni Kenshin: Reminiscence! Hoorah! ^_^ Simple things really do create wonders, ne? ~ja! ^_~

I feel lost...

2006-07-02T16:49:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to school last Friday because of my usual overfatigued body that up to this moment is one of my nemesis besides procastination and self-pity. Every year, it always hit me big time! >.< I tried my best to attend the CAT Training and I did. My body was hurt so badly that my thighs are on fire! T_T While I was walking at the mall, I could feel the pain inching its way through the other parts of my body but I didn't notice it. Hehe. I just noticed that my walking became slower than my usual pace. ^^;;

As soon as I got home last night, I brushed my teeth and jumped on my bed as fast as I could and that's when I felt my sore muscles complaining in pain. Oh well, there's still more.

I have no idea why am I afraid to talk to my teachers and make a compromise to them. Oh well, better face it than never. I missed two school days and I still feel drained out which I loathe the most when I work. Still, I need to get over this and go to school as soon as I can. I do hope this is my last absence for the year. SO MUCH TO DO!!! >.<

This is the preview of my daily life. Simple at sight but binded by complicated factors. I have no idea if I feel thrilled or I just got used to the idea that this is my life. I want to change my life path just a notch.

I was contemplating on this fact: I have changed as much as possible. I even eradicated a lot of things and tried my best to unveil the essentials. I was in front of Mr. Choi's Kitchen at Robinson's Galleria when I thought of this. TODAY. A lot of things are still vague for me. I want to make sure that everything's okay before I move on. Ii just feel that something's missing and it's either I wait for it or rush to the next. What do you think?

That's it for me! ^^;; I hope to survive the things that this year has in store for me.

Yehey!!! I saw you at last! Yay! *^_^* Hope to see you again soon! Ahehehe.... :) I'm still missing you now... :'( I want to spend more time with you... Goodness, what did you do to me?! >.< Should have I done what it is that I thought I should have done in the first place? Was it the right time or there is some other time? Will I have the chance to do it to you? I do hope there is... Hoping, I say...

This is my breather...

2006-06-26T19:02:00.000+08:00

It's only been a week yet I've been off guard by the mountain of requirements and homeworks that we need to fulfill and to think about such makes me want to cringe away from the competitive crowd. Anyway, before I go on with my challenge, I must take a breather and make the most of it.... >.<

We were introduced this morning and we ended up with the party name "Ilaw"... Ahehe... for those students who might be wondering why the hell the party was named like that... wait for us to campaign... I'll tell you if I have time to post here and get use to my 4th year schedule. ^^;;

I'm so forgetful today and I don't know why. Maybe I was so preoccupied by a lot of things or something or simply stupid but regardless of the reasons why I forgot to fulfill my responsibilities simply makes me weak. Nanlalambot tuhod ko paminsan-minsan... Darn... Usually, I would laugh this off but it got the most of me. This is insane... =_=

So far, I'm on the verge of fainting since I can't contain the fear in me especially about the Meeting de Avance. What if I don't have an answer? Goodness, I have to suffer this for two (2) weeks before we could settle everything... @_@ I hate this butterfly feeling in my stomach... it makes me flinch in some ways... WAHHHHH!!!

I miss him... When will I see him? I can't get him out of my mind... WAH!!! ANONG GINAWA MO SA AKIN?! >.< I'm hurting myself this way if this continues... I'm guilty but I can't help it... What did you do to me... ? I hope we can talk once again even through Yahoo! Messenger only... I don't want to be a burden for you... I never want to be one... I will love you in silence for a while... I hope you won't forget to remember me as well... <333

~ja! ^_~

I have no regrets...

2006-06-25T13:24:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, i found out that I'll be running for presidency in our humble High School division (Should I add quotation marks at the humble part? :P). Anyway, the shock subsided a few hours later but the bar was set to a higher level. No one will guide us and we are on our own. It is a freedom yet when in comes to politics, I don't think power is such a nice word. It's contagious and at the same time poisonous in such a way that it could deteriorate a system. The government system.

On the other hand, I have no regrets whatsoever. I have it here on my hands and whatever would be the verdict of the school, I would gladly accept it. If ever elected, I would do my job but if it is otherwise, I will have more time for other things that I plan to do. It is definitely for the experience and for the risk that I have ventured in.

Sometimes, I even thought of backing out but I'm here, what is it that I have to back out for? Maybe I was dreading at the "Meeting de Avance" part of this race. Hell, I even remembered my first attempt when I ran last year as a 3rd year representative. I guess God really is a crazy guy to deal with yet that what makes the challenge exciting and mind-tingling at the same time.

Anyway, I have with my the Ateneo Application forms and I'm frightened once again because this school is kind of unbelievably freaky! >.<>.<

Ok, now my post is kind of short but that's what others want, right? Hehe. These are just the things I want to say to you freely. O well, got to go! ^_~

_Please add a title for this post_

2006-06-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

I can't think of any title for my post and I apologize for not posting yesterday and I have a lot of reasons why I didn't post here last night. Still, due to Kenneth Gacula's persistent demand, I'm posting here... Ahahaha! I'm being sarcastic at that part. ^_^

SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! >.<

Ok, this would be the first time that I'm going to utter such profanity in my post and that's the only thing that could depict my emotions and all in all yesterday... I'm not saying this in a negative manner... I just simply can't describe myself for that certain circumstance... I will not narrate the whole thing, I will just tackle up some of the significant (Uhmmm... not personal) details of the things I did.

First, I exited LRMS as quickly as I can since I expected a heavy traffic at Ortigas and I was so dumb not to realize that a Friday would definitely mean that a mob of haggard employees/students would be invading the malls, especially Robinsons Galleria in this situation. I went to La Salle Greenhills not because I passed through there but I DID REALLY WENT THERE when suddenly the rain fell hard, piercing the street with its might. I was with our maid (I can't go out without someone with me... XP) and we walked (maybe ran) near the overpass and sat there for a while. We were waiting for someone at the overpass when a little amount of water streamed downward towards the stairs and so we went upstairs, anxious because my UP Application Form was almost soaked by the pouring rain.

I was staring at the street downward, drifted away from reality while I responded blankly to our maid. After a while, I was babbling to her about my anxiety in my current situation at that time: COMPLETE LRMS UNIFORM (the only thing left to complete it would be our school ID) and I was pondering if I have broken the rules indicated at the handbook. Wahaha! XP

Take note, I'm still waiting for someone... I even texted this person... I thought that person's cellphone was still off at the stroke of 3:40PM yet I was surprised that he went straight to the overpass to meet us. It was a very hilarious situation, I was standing in the middle of a puddle of water. I didn't care though... I was still thinking if I DID REALLY broke a rule or two. I don't know why am I thinking like that at that time. ^^;;

I was also intimidated to those La Sallians when we were sitting by the stairs... they were saying these things...

"Manong, ilapit pa po ninyo yung sasakyan..."
"... Mauna ka muna... "
"Nasan na 'yung payong?!"

I felt embarassed and unsecured from myself whenever I take note of their actions. I don't feel like I belonged at that place... It was kind of a stupid feeling but I felt that especially when we stood at the overpass and I was staring blankly at the street filled with eager cars strolling along the route... Again, I don't fit in there... again, I have no idea why I went there yet I want to go there... I will never go there in uniform ever again... I have no idea what am I talking about right now... I'm just simply felt like an alien at that part of the Philippines during a weekend for the first time... Grabe... >.<

The rest would be super classified... Huwag na ninyong i-chika, personal na ito... Let me be... :3

As for those people who are asking me if I'm going to run at the elections, I will DEFINITELY RUN but I don't know what position it would be.... HINDI BA NINYO ALAM NA SI DANMAR AY TATAKBO NA?! SAME SECTION KAMI, DI BA NINYO ALAM?! HAHATIIN KO BA ANG ST. THERESE!? >_<

Ok, if only the presidential position would just miraculously fall on my hands, I would certainly take it but of course, that's a ludicrous concept and I guess that means I want to run as a president but as I said before... I have no idea if I have any chance of winning... Alam ko naman na popularity contest ito... sino ba nakakakilala sa'kin? XP Besides, I'm going to repeat this:

INNOCENT INTENTIONS ARE NEVER PROVEN IN SIMPLE WAYS...

I'm not even sure if I could cope up with my lost when the elections would be over. Hindi ko habol ang power, I just want changes... Unfortunately, I'm not confident enough to express myself... Para sa hindi nakakaalam, sira na po ang reputasyon ko sa batch ko nung 2nd year pa ata that's why I'm still thinking if I would run as a president (If you want the juice of this story... I will tell you one-on-one... If I'm going to tell you, IT SHOULD NOT SPREAD ALL OVER THE SCHOOL LIKE A STUPID GOSSIP. Got it?)

Alrighty, I need to sleep now... my Saturday experience will be narrated next time and my other stuff... Ahaha! XP

Regarding the pictures and the perks in this blog, I will definitely work on it. I just need to fulfill my responsibilities first... I also need to review again... O_O... Ok? ~ja! ^_~

I'm under the J-Pop/J-rock/J-Punk or whatever J-??? there is... bewitchment...

2006-06-14T18:37:00.000+08:00

Note: A LONG post... ows?! O.o;; It's always long... nyahaha! X3

Uhmmm, I'm not actually counting my school days but if I can, I will definitely do so... As far as I'm concern, CAT schedules fell to the great resting day of Saturday for our lucky batch... WOOHOO!!! XP In other words, I will need to drag myself up from my bed as early as I wake up every weekdays for this schoolyear... twice a month... ^^;;. One of those Saturdays would be this Saturday and isn't it nice... (I'll make this clear: I'm being sarcastic this time... =_=).

As for my schedules for the year, I'll be dealing with a lot of MATH, MATH, MATH!!!!! *head aching* I just got my scheds today and we were stunned by what we saw... DOUBLE SUBJECTS TIMES TWO!!! >.< I have pros and cons for this situation:

PRO: It will be an absolute aid for my Entrance Exams... (talk about seeing me going back and forth on different buildings every recess ever since Tuesday... gosh... >.<). I'm also a Thursday cleaner... again... for the last time here in my school for all I know... XP

CON: It will be a sure headache for me and a shake for my life... @_@

Ok, my list is so long that I just have to keep it to myself. Regardless of the fact that this is my 4th year life, this is the challenge itself. I'm still hoping that I could endure this test...

My question: Will I enjoy this schoolyear or will it be like those any other schoolyear I've been through? Am I spent on far-off things or I just don't know what to do with the things around me... Gurugu Mawaru... *spins around lamely*

I'm also sorry for all the unnecessary things that I do. I really do hope that I'll be controling myself... Oh yeah... I'll ask you something...

TATAKBO PA BA AKO SA STUDENT GOVERNMENT?! WHAT POSITION?! O.O;;

Haaayyy... This is one of the most grueling decisions I have to make and if you ask me, I want to run but I'm scared and I don't have the chance to win... Totoo naman eh... T_T. It seems that innocent intentions can never be just proven in simple ways... It always had been and that's my problem... At least I have already found that certain poitn where I do lack. You know that very well...

Hmmm... Volleyball or Swimming?! Which is it? :D I really hope that I could pick a sport... I could feel my energy drained out as I sit here helplessly... >.< Oh well... I'm off to my Japanese songs...

Speaking of Japanese Songs, I'm addicted to Judy and Mary which is unfortunately a disband group already... T_T Ouch... Yet they have these cool songs which I enjoy right now! =^_^= meowr! I'll put up my fave songs here when I have the time.

If ever you are wondering who the heck are they, they are the ones who sang the 1st Ending song of Samurai X (Rurouni Kenshin), namely, "Sobakasu" or in English, "Freckles". Hehehehe. XP Check them out, they're cool! \m/ Go J-Rock! ~ja! ^_~

... And my 4th year began...

2006-06-13T11:57:00.000+08:00

Wow, I entered my school a few hours ago and recklessly stumbled near the bulletin board filled with students staring at the list of their respective sections and I saw my name obviously at the section IV- ST. THERESE and I went straight to my classroom. I was walking and I saw Kenneth and Shelly running towards me asking for the HQ key (Wahhhh!!! Hindi nyo naman sinabi sa akin na dalhin ko kaya di ko dinala! Wahahaha!) and I was shocked why they were asking about it. Anyway, I chatted a little while with them and got up to my section...

As I walked at the hallway, I spotted David running towards me and I freaked out but I instantly saw "him" and ignored the fact that he's there. XP (At least hindi na masakit... I'm completely healed! Yay! ^_^) I also got used to the familiar faces in the classroom and suprisingly, we have a new student which resembled my late friend and I had a weird impression on him (He's scratching his head constantly or playing with his hair... baliw... :P). Anyway, I had a great time as I reconciled with my old buddies in the room.

At our morning assembly, it was soooo hot! >.< As a CAT officer, we must be responsible for the raising of the Philippine flag and for this case for the opening of the year, we also need to raise the school flag. When we were waiting for the singing of the Philippine National Anthem, I remembered that I forgot to bring with me my hankerchief (Of all things, why is it that I forgot my hanky?! O.O;;) and I was constantly sweating... After the assembly, Krizzia and I went straight to the comfort room to freshen up. Hahaha! XP

On the other hand, I was kind of lonely for a lot of reasons and the first reason would be my friends that are not in the room... It makes me frown because I can't be with them even for the last time... Sayang... The other reason would be my plans for this year would be a great challenge especially the part when I planned to repent to him for what happened two (2) years ago... Wow... a long time ago, isn't it?

What made this first day an unforgettable one would be the fact that our adviser is Sir Jorge Ramirez (Our very humorous C.L.E. teacher :D) and I was thinking that he is our adviser! Yey! Wish granted! *^_^*

I also spent our 20-minute recess to avail my transcript for the three universities I'm applying for. Good thing I'm with Dennis at that time or I wouldn't have a chance to think about it. Speaking of these things, I'm about to fill out my application forms and put my 2x2 picture where I look really funny. Sabi nila parang may nakasabit daw na tali ng kurtina sa tenga ko which is my earrings at that time... One of my faves! =^_^= meowr!

So which is it? Volleyball or Swimming? Do you have any other suggestions besides the options? I have one and I'm still thinking about it... Hehehe! :D

I really hope that I could see him this week... I really hope that I could fulfill my aspirations for the year.... I really hope so...

Ok, siesta muna ako or roam around the house or finish the book... whatever... ~ja! ^_~

Darn it, I'M A SENIOR! >.<

2006-06-12T11:45:00.000+08:00

Nyahahahahahaha!!!!! *ehem* Ok, I'm kind of stupid at that part but maybe I'm just kind of preoccupied by a lot of stuff... (which is good at some point... XP) yet I can't stop thinking about IT! Darn! >.< (Ok... let's say it's NOT A THING.... -_-). Anyway... I'll be enumerating the things I did ths weekend...

Last Saturday, we went to SM Mall of Asia which is so freakin' BIG! @_@ It's like thrice the size of Megamall and its width is 1 SM Megamall! Gosh-ness!!! It my feet was aching badly as I got home and to think of it, before we even got home, we bought our weekly grocery stuff at Shopwise Libis and it was almost closing time when we arrived there... about an hour or so before it closed... XP

Yesterday, we went to Avilon Zoo (isipin mo na lang nag-field trip kami! Wahaha! XP) and I'm with the other two members of Momo Saru's -=ULtimaTe TRiO=- namely, David and Krizzia and we had a chance to touch a python (sayang at wala na kaming picture ng mga solo namin kasi P50 for two pictures with your own camera.... geez.... so expensive ah?! >:P) but I got a chance to snag some photos and I'll be posting it on my picture page which is so hard to edit up to this moment.... ^^;; We also had a chance to feed the biggest fish in the world, the Arapaimas and it was freaky because we need to feed them CHICKEN HEADS for 10 PESOS! Wahaha! XP And so we did. Nakakagulat 'yong isda! Parang hindi pinakain ng zoo keeper! Hablot agad 'yong chicken head! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! >.<

Well, that's about it for my small adventures this weekend... I hope to have a lot of GOOD experiences soon... :D Sana nga talaga... at sana makita ko na siya ulet... ^_^

PILI KAYO... Swimming o Volleyball? Obviously, I don't like to create polls here. Just answer it. Nyahaha! XP

Speaking of polls, Chii won the polls... Ahaha! Regardless of who's the winner, I twisted the case. I used the 1st and 2nd winner as my name label... Chii for my books... Haruhi for my notebook! Whahahaha!

Ok... that's it! ~ja! ^_~

Total Site Rearrangements...

2006-06-09T10:20:00.000+08:00

Ok, this is crazy! >.< Last night, I found a lot of picture files in my computer and edited them ONE BY ONE and I'm not even done! My due date: TODAY! >.>

Ok, why today? First, tomorrow is a Saturday and we didn't have the chance to buy a pair of school shoes because my current school shoes is are not useful anymore (and because of a lot of to and fro racings in the corridors... chasing after a lot of people...XP). Also, I will FINALLY cover my books and put names on my notebooks... Oh yeah, the verdict would be classified from now on... Besides, it's for me to decide anyway... but I won't waste your efforts... I will definitely use our winning avatar and a little twist with that. :)

I guess you're trying to figure out what the heck is this "Tindahan Ni LekLek" spot in my blog... ^^;; I'm actually re-opening my business and I guess I'll be changing my enterprise's name into something more catchy and mysterious... Wahaha! XP Anyway... I have new products... just editing their pictures... I'm kind of not-so-good mood when I took the photos so bear with me and my products... >_<.

I'm really hoping that I could also finish "UP Iloilo Batch '67" as well... Ok... here I come again... cramming... wahahaha! I'm crazy, aren't I? Regardless of the fact that I'm still crazy, I still don't have an idea what type of layout am I going to make... I better think fast... *pondering*

Ok, enjoy my new-improved (not that finish ^^;;) bloggie of mine! ^_~ Updates are now posted at their respected pages. ~ja! =^_^=

My Family

2006-06-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

This is my family... ahehe ^^ These are the people who really inspired me... Nakaka-challenge ang galing nila! Sobra! >.<

My Friends

2006-06-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

My buddies in everything I do in my life... They are the ones who shared with my joy and sorrows... Take a peek! ^_^

My Life

2006-06-08T22:01:00.000+08:00

These are the things that is with me right now... Uhmmm... These are the things that composes my daily life... XP

Yey! 100th post for me! ^_~

2006-06-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

Wahaha! I just saw the side where the number of posts was being counted and I'm down to my 100th one... I mean this one is my 100th post... XP Anyway, nothing really happened to my life so far... just waiting (not anticipating) for the school year to start and trying to create a concept for my mom's batch site which totally sucks because I have no idea what to do with it... I mean I want to experience new stuff and I mean creating new kinds of layouts... I can't formulate an idea right now... I can't even decipher REALITY reality from virtual reality... Hehehehehe...

Anyway, it seems that Chii is leading the polls so far and I'm still waiting until the end of this week before I could end up with a verdict. Hehehehe... You only have three options... XP

Ok, uhmmm... I can't seem to find a Sidney Sheldon fanlistings and I remembered that I have clumsily signed up for the HATELISTINGS of Relena from Gundam Wing which I thought was a FANLISTINGS... I'm waiting for the reject message. Hahahaha! I adore Relena and I could remember myself imitating her while playing with my friends way back in grade school. Ahahaha!

Oh yeah, I would like to present to you my Literary site, +Under Nostalgia+ where you can find the outcomes of my literary adventures and stuff like that. Ehehe... well... if you want to check it out, you may do so. ^^;;

I have nothing else to say... ~ja! ^_~

My Pictures

2006-06-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

Wahaha! My portraits... I don't know why I created such page... errr... Wala lang... trip ko lang... Enjoy? Uhmmm... >.<

My Music Player

2006-06-05T15:45:00.000+08:00

Playlist code by nackvision.com

Ahehe, I finally found codes for a flash music player. Thanks to Kuya Kyosuke for all the help! Arigatou! ^_~ If ever you want me to add up some songs, just tell me right away, ok? =^_^=

Waaahhh!!! We didn't even see a glimpse?! T_T

2006-06-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Haaayyy... one of the most unforgettable experiences in my life would be in this format:

June 1, 2006
*I secretly escaped the vicinity of my home to meet up with HIM! *chuckles*

June 3, 2006
*Met up with my friend from AC @ TimeZone Megamall (Oh, hail AC!!! Lolz...)
*Kuya Barry's departure to U.S.A. (Huhuhuhu...)
*We watched the Four Aces @ Araneta in the midst of a crazy weather... :P

and get ready for this...

June 4, 2006
*Nagkasalisi kami ng landas... T_T

Mama, Titaw and I went to Robinson's Galleria and heard a mass at EDSA Shrine, ate lunch at Yellow Cab Pizza Co. and attempted to eat this oh-so-spicy food namely, Charlie Chan's Special Pasta... It was so darn SPICY!!! >.<>

I was texting him that time and he saw my friend who is also friends with the birthday celebrant at the party he's in to. SMALL WORLD, I know... ^^;; Unfortunately, they didn't talk and I don't know why...

Later on, I asked Mama if we could just drop by Libis so that she could FINALLY SEE HIM in person. She didn't reply for a long while and when we drove off Greenhills, I didn't know she did her classical "Oh-sure-I-will-not-answer-but-it's-a-yes" style. Isipin mo naman, pwede na siyang lumiko sa EDSA papuntang Quezon City via EDSA at that time. Lolz...

On the other hand, I received a message when that HE'S AT GREENHILLS while we're at LIBIS! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Total shockness... >.< NAGKASALISI PA! T_T

I just told him that maybe it's not yet the right time but what can I say, I'm heading for Quezon City and he's headed for Sta. Mesa... -_______-;;

When I was in my cousin's house, I saw her making sushi with Bonito Flakes inside. Curious, I helped out slicing the rolls and took a picture after we finished preparing it. Haha! It was so funny because we didn't even left my aunt, Mama and Titaw extra sushi rolls... Hahaha! XP

Oh that' my crazy day... I hope I could see him again... and yeah, WALA PA KAMING PASOK BUKAS! Nyahahahaha! Swerte! ^_~

Ahehe, I remembered my Sidney Sheldon Fanlisting search and there was NONE! T_T How about me... I ADORE SIDNEY SHELDON!!! >.< I'm down to my last book... hehehe... oh well... I hope there is one soon, ne? ^_^

~ja! ^_~

Credits

2006-06-04T09:55:00.000+08:00

First of all, I would like to thank my fans... joke! :P No, my readers rather for they make this blog not just your ordinary blog. Hehe! ^_~

Blogger for hosting my blog
Soundless-Words.Net for my CSS knowledge
Magitek-Designs.Net for the inspiring concepts
Aethereality.Net for the Anime' Pictures
MiincDesigns for my brushes
1greeneye also for my brushes ^^;;
PaintShop Pro 9 for the layout
Freedback for the email forms XP
HaloScan for the comments
TagBoards for the ShoutOuts
PollHost for my poll hosting
PhotoBucket.com for the image hosting
FontGarden.com for my cool fonts! Hehe! :D

AnimeFanlistings.Org for the list of Anime Fanlistings
TheFanListings.org for my other fanlistings
AnimeChords.com for the Anime' Chords and Tabs! =^_^=
AnimeLyrics.com for the Anime' Lyrics
Ultimate-Guitar.com for my non-Anime' Chords and Tabs
YouTube.com for the video codes :D
Anime' Gifts Paranoia for my animated pics ^_~
AnimeNfo.com for the Anime' infos!
Peekvid.com for letting me watch unknown Anime' series...

I can't think of the other sites that I need to thank for. XP You know who you are... thank you! ^_^

Could anyone tell me what I should really do in my life... My life's wasted...

2006-06-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

Goodness, am I really a fourth year student?! O_O;; It seems to be dreamlike reality yet I can't let my guard down because I did for the past few days. I was even saddened when I came into a conclusion that I'm not taking things the way I should be. Uhmmm... I do mean that I can't handle a lot of things. I have this feeling that I'm being hypnotized by something but I think I already figured that out and I must straighten things out before I could meet the unthinkable... >.<

It's not like they're taunting me but I guess ACET exams are so darn hard as the people around me would say. I could already imagine that from the way things are in my reviews. It didn't seem to be review rather. it became a refuge for my ennui. >.< This is absurd and I should stop this madness... I'm frightened... I don't know where to start...

What did I expect after the review? Nothing I guess. I feel that I'm not doing my part and I keep on doing unnecessary tasks like my sudden makeover of my site. I'm really am sloppy... Oh gosh... what's happening to me?! @_@

Ok, I'm panicky now. Nothing's really ventilating it... Oh my goodness... I'm hopeless... >.< Maybe I should be honest to myself that I can't do everything but there's this "vibration" that I should do the total opposite... Okay... being nostalgic at some points here... *palpitating heart*

Goodness, I'm a freak... >.<

Oh yeah, before I go and vanquish my tension... I apologize to the people that I have offended on my last post. I was being sarcastic about it. No hard feelings. It's all right. ^_^

Anyway, I have a lot of things to tell you on my next post... just not now, I guess. ^^;; ~ja! ^_^

A better elucidation...

2006-06-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

Now, I'm all better physically although my mind hasn't stop performing random tasks and I just suddenly give in to my own brain scheduling. It was sooo difficult for me to sleep last night and I don't know why am I like that yesterday. I feel gummy (I can't think of any other word to manifest my sensation...) as a gummy bear or elastic as a rubber band. ^^;;

Ok, that was yesterday and here I am at the present. I'll be clarifying the things that you see around you and yes... it is definitely art! Ohohohoho! *maniacal laughter* Uhmmm, it's not really childish rather mature for me ( Someone said it's childish... >:p) because for years, after all the procastination and wasted summer days of trying to create a layout too soon has finally paid off. On the contrary, I feel as if I'm still a n00b. Wakokokoko... XP That's why I'm also thinking if I would take Computer Science in college. On the other hand, I'm still eager to be an entrepreneur because I could make money out of my imagination. Nyahahahaha... :P

Anyway, THE SITE IS'NT DONE YET! I think you have noticed that. Hehehehe. I'm actually serious on altering every detail of this site until it becomes more updated like my life. Ahehehe. I have an obsolete site, I had this for two years and I'm reluctant to fix it. :P

This post is actually affecting my disposition in life... I'm drifting away from reality from the time I sat in front of my computer up to the end of it and I usually end up sleeping late because I keep on updating. It's not like I'm whining or anything but I guess I must know how to be in both worlds. That's all I need and of course, enjoy it at the same time. ^^

I think I'll be cutting my narration for now. XP Tight schedule for the day! ~ja! ^_~

New...new...new... without a reason this time...

2006-05-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

You are witnessing my two-day mind-grueling surprise I have here and I have no idea why I created a new layout... Maybe I'm just too tired of pretending I know something when I don't (I know it doesn't make sense... ~_~) Still, I made one and just look at it, it's all filled with crazy color combinations and these stuff whatever you want to call these things... splats... Hahaha! XP

I have no reason to prove the existence of life today because I would rather be laid back and do NEW THINGS in my life. One of these things I don't want to explain would be the layout itself. It's just self-explanatory... It's art!

Okay, now maybe you're asking what happened to Alexis and who abducted her away from her body... No one really but I guess I'm just bored of experiencing same old thing over and over and over and over (said redundantly...) again. It make me feel UNREAL in many sense...

I have felt that sting of boredom when I woke up this morning. I know I have done my part yet I feel I have these boulders on my shoulder not yet lifted and it makes me feel old, tired... oh yeah... quesy... NAUSEOUS.... Bleh! >:P

I feel sleepy yet I can't sleep, I feel tired yet I'm not tired. I feel oppressed yet I'm not.... undescribable sensations that keeps on bouncing in my head... like boing boing boing....

Boom!!! Boom!!! Boom!!! XP Ok, exaggerations....

I need psychiatric help... oh please help me.... PING ME! :P

Okay, this is it for today... don't worry... I must sharpen my mind... AND FAST...

2006-05-31T20:55:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

New Layout, New Life... New Schoolyear, New Ordeals...

2006-05-31T20:50:00.000+08:00

You are witnessing my two-day mind-grueling surprise I have here and I have no idea why I created a new layout... Maybe I'm just too tired of pretending I know something when I don't (I know it doesn't make sense... ~_~) Still, I made one and just look at it, it's all filled with crazy color combinations and these stuff whatever you want to call these things... splats... Hahaha! XP

I have no reason to prove the existence of life today because I would rather be laid back and do NEW THINGS in my life. One of these things I don't want to explain would be the layout itself. It's just self-explanatory... It's art!

Okay, now maybe you're asking what happened to Alexis and who abducted her away from her body... No one really but I guess I'm just bored of experiencing same old thing over and over and over and over (said redundantly...) again. It make me feel UNREAL in many sense...

I have felt that sting of boredom when I woke up this morning. I know I have done my part yet I feel I have these boulders on my shoulder not yet lifted and it makes me feel old, tired... oh yeah... quesy... NAUSEUOUS.... Bleh! >:P

I feel sleepy yet I can't sleep, I feel tired yet I'm not tired. I feel oppressed yet I'm not.... undescribable sensations that keeps on bouncing in my head... like boing boing boing....

Boom!!! Boom!!! Boom!!! XP Ok, exaggerations....

I need psychiatric help... oh please help me.... PING ME! :P

Okay, this is it for today... don't worry... I must sharpen my mind... AND FAST...

2006-05-31T20:48:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2006-05-31T20:36:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2006-05-31T19:47:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2006-05-31T19:46:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2006-05-31T19:17:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Linking You

2006-05-31T12:41:00.000+08:00

Ok, you want to be linked? Fill out this form and send it away! ^_^

I miss him... this is my melancholy...

2006-05-30T11:07:00.000+08:00

First of all, let me show you the tentative results of the poll... it's still going on so hurry up and cast your votes! I already have my supplies! >.< DEPENDING ON YOUR TASTE... ok? ^^;; As in kung ano ang maganda... diba yun naman ang pinakamadaling ginagawa ng isang nilalang?! Kaya nyo yan! :P Here are the pictures once again... ^^;;

Chii/Elda - 7 Votes = 54%
Haruhi Suzumiya - 5 Votes = 38%
Tenma Tsukamoto - 1 Vote = 8%

Ok, obviously, Tsukamoto is not the reader's choice... Oh well, who knows what could happen next.... ^^;; THE POLL WILL CLOSE NEXT WEEK! That's all about it.

*ehem* Okay, obviously I'm being sarcastic about the reality that I can't see him because of my mother's strict verdict and this is the secret that I've been treasuring the most for the past few weeks... It seems that I really want to cry because I can't even see him all the more when the schoolyear starts... It's killing me gradually, inch by inch as the days pull me to the opening of the year... Oh well, might as well share it than deprive you from the truth...

My mother knows about him but ironically not his mother and he's planning to do so. On the contrary, my mother won't let me see him at the mall because she said he must be formal and he must go to our house... When you think about it, she likes to meet him in person but of course due to a lot of circumstances and conflicting schedules, we can't meet. >.< Hindi ko talaga ma-describe... alam na alam ng mga nakakakilala sa akin na hindi ako basta-bastang na-iinlove pero talagang ibang iba na talaga eto... ewan ko kung bakit... Unfathomable in short... and surprisingly, it warms my heart everytime.

I'm still praying, pleading to God that I could meet him... I really hope that we could endure this ordeal together... I really really really really really miss him... >.< Kahit na dalawang beses pa lang kami nagkasama... at kahit na puro Yahoo! Messenger at text lang (pati MMS...) kami, mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya at sana makita ko na siya ulit!!! T_T

Which Anime' character for the final year? ^_~

2006-05-26T09:07:00.000+08:00

Now, nothing really happened to me for the past few days that I didn't post here but I have some things to share you which made these days fantastic as it should be. Hehehe...

One of these fantastic things would be my first adventure with my friend Emma by riding in the MRT train and taxi WITHOUT MY MOTHER OR ANY COMPANION! Yesh! For the first time, I was given the chance and it was a great joy for me to experience this after all the pleadings and failed attempts to let me go out alone has finally paid off! :P

Now, I may sound TOO childish but for me, it's a mark of a new experience and as a matter of fact, I had new experiences lately yet I will not tell you... still... (If ever you read my past post... it's there being a secret... ^_~)

Last Wednesday, I finally verified my section and it wasn't a surprise for me when I saw the list and I hid my unsurprised look with the total opposite of what I felt at that moment. I felt a mixture of dismay, fear, excitement, curiosity and others that I can't fathom at all... I felt a new weird sensation just like what I felt with other new things that was happening to me recently.
^^;;

Oh yeah, when it comes to labeling my books, notebooks... SUPPLIES, I always put a picture of an Anime' character and I last year, I picked a Sister Princess character because I kind of adore their KAWAII-ness! =^_^= Hehehe..... now, I'll let you choose between three (3) pictures and all of them edited and ready for use. Just tell what's the best and that would be my picture for my final year in high school. Hehehe... Now, that made the transition of events a memorable one, ne? ^_^

Okay, so which one is the best? Please leave a comment or message to whichever yu prefer the most. Wait, better yet, I'll be putting up a temporary poll here and click for your preferred picture. Nyahaha! Now this is what I meant with exciting moments! ^^ This will end before the schoolyear starts so please vote as earlier as you can. I'll be covering my books in a few days. Ahehehe.... GO! CHOOSE NOW! :D

CHARACTERS:

*Chii/Elda - the protagonist of the Anime' series "Chobits" who was found by Hideki Motosuwa on the dumpsters and decided to adopt her for his own likeness to have a persocom for himself. In the end, these two "beings" fell in love and lived happily ever after... the end. XP

*Haruhi Suzumiya - the energetic, alien-hunting, crazy-minded freshman whose only goal in life is to meet extraterrestrials in the Anime' series "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya". When she saw no hope in the things that "ordinary humans" do in order to find an "E.T.", she created the S.O.S. Brigade which she didn't know was filled with extraordianry creatures. Haha! XP

*Tsukamoto Tenma - a Japanese beauty who is a master of none of the Anime' series "School Rumble". Nyehehe. ~_~ She has a sibling and a circle of friends who are popular and sometimes I don't think she usually fits in yet she stands out with her cuteness and never-ending energy source. She likes to watch this samurai-related show which is of course a parody of the real thing in the real world Japan. She's also the love interest of Harima Kenji, a delinquent. :P

I want to escape from reality... for just one day...>.<

2006-05-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

Whenever I hear the word "reality", I have varied reactions depending on how I view life for the moment. Now, when this word reverbiates within the boundaries of my mind... it triggers this quesy feeling inside me and I end up weeping alone in my bed... the usual thing that I would do somewhat a ritual for me in the past.

Now, I just want to drift away for ONE DAY only. Just a day away... I don't want to think that I must concentrate on mastering Mathematics and Science before the actual examination. I don't want to remind myself that I must be responsible for everything in my life. Spontaneous actions. Whatever comes in my mind, I'll do it and it's like indulging your senses for a day and back to reality.

On the contrary, I can't do such notion. If ever I'll do that, it's unfair not just to myself but to others as well especially to the ones I love the most. Now, how do I manage to formulate a plan to balance life without weeping at night once again. I've been trying to push myself to the limits and as far as I can see progress, honestly, I'm moving rather TOO SLOW.

Discipline was always one of the biggest ordeals that a person must endure to create success in his or her life. Although other people think in a "happy-go-lucky" manner, I believe otherwise (I apologize for those I have offended at this statement). ^^;;

Another component of this "project" I have imposed would be humility, patience, vigor, confidence and wisdom (Okay, let's include knowledge... piety... ok, I'm reciting the Gifts of the Holy Spirit... >.<). *ehem* Maybe I'm not really trying hard, aren't I? I need help... definitely.

Honestly, I don't know what will I do to my life. *sighs* Who the heck plans every detail in life? I can't even end the day without screwing up my schedule. I'm not exactly pinpointing that I'm shambolic whatsoever... I'm just being scrupulous. ^^;;

I have another flaw which is my "moody" personality and "perfectionist" side of me. Haha! I have no idea why I keep up with it but I guess I just want to be simply perfect yet I can't be. An achiever would be the perfect word. For the past years, they have told me to eradicate my moody side and I'm telling you, I'm trying my very best to do so. Hope that I could TOTALLY eliminate it. As for my perfectionist side, I guess I became like that because I don't want to be vulnerable and it's not that I'm ashamed of my own mistakes but of course, I want to do my best for myself and for my mother.

Ok, I just want to be honest and be truthful for my conscience has been bugging me to do so. >.<

Now that you know my dirt, what's with you? Have any other stuff to say about your imperfections? Well, no matter who you are, in any case, I'll accept you. The question is, will you accept me the same way I accepted you? ^_~

I'm nervous in every sense I can think of...

2006-05-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

I'm about to sleep when I thought of posting here because I'm kind of shaky, well, not that I didn't review or anything but of course, it seems like the real thing. If ever you don't know what I'm talking about, it's about my Simulation Test tomorrow. >.<. I'm not saying that it doesn't work but of course, I'm still honing discipline in my own way.

I don't want to rush it though, it will make you nuts... really... :P If ever I don't do well with my test tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'm wide awake to do my best for the real thing. Of course, I still want to do my best for the exams. As long as I could endure the tide of the challenge...

Oh yeah, this is kind of corney but I just want to add up some spontaneous lines from my head... just want to put it up here and don't ask me why... I just want to... Ahehe... ^-^

Minsan hindi maipinta sa salita
Mga hinaing ng pusong kay hina
Sana'y maitindihan mo na
Hindi ako kasinlakas ng inaakala mo.

Kay dali kong manlumo sa tukso ng katotohanan
Hindi naman ganoong kagandahan
Pati nga pangangatawa'y 'di kagandahang tignan

Subalit sana'y tanggapin mga pagkakamali
Maaari kong isa-isahin ngunit huwag na lamang.
Ako'y talagang mahilig sa pagkubli ng damdamin
Sana nga lang makita mo rin and nais kong ipahiwatig...

Ang tanging dahilan ng pagtatago'y ayaw kitang masaktan
Ngunit kung ika'y nasasaktan din, sabihin mo na.
Kung ang mga nakita'y akala mo'y panlilinlang,
Ikaw ang bahala subalit hindi ako nagtaksil kailanman.

Malayo ka man ngayon, sana'y marinig
Mga hinaing ng naghihinagpis na puso
Nag-aantay lamang sa oras na
Tayong dalawa ay ipagtagpo muli ng kapalaran.

Ahehe, I usually write these stuff in my notebook but since I'll be entering my literary works here, why not start up with this? Hehehe... sorry kung Tagalog, natyamba lang naman na Tagalog 'yong gusto kong isulat eh. Hehe. :) Anyway, it doesn't have a title for now. I'll not elaborate further about this poem. Basta, alam na ng tao na 'yun na siya yun. Ahehehe. ;)

Yosh! Gambate-so!!! *blazing eyes* :P Please pray for me. Onegai-shimasu... >.< Lord, help me... =^_^= ~ja!

Alterations... alterations...

2006-05-20T14:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks to my mother's ever efficient computer in her office that I got to get in touch with the internet today to update and edit the site and even the contents of it. Hehe. Now, about some alterations, well, they are abudant within a mile radius around me. Wahehe... Let me enumerate them, shall we? ^_~

* PERSONAL ALTERATIONS - Thanks to the comment of my ever-loyal reader (Kenneth, thanks! :P), I have come to the conclusion that I must get in touch with reality and accept the fact that I'm a 4th year student IN A FEW WEEKS. *sighs* Life really is creeping me out... >.<>WOOHOO! XP I stumbled on my report card last night and found out that I did a very unsatisfactory job last school year. -_-;; I got a grade of 86 in my card and an average of 89 on my 2nd trimester grade. No wonder I didn't like my school year... I must work harder for my final year... and I mean even harder... @_@ If you want to voice out your personal thoughts about my personal alterations, tell it to me IMMEDIATELY, ok? ^_^

* SITE ALTERATIONS - This is the trickiest of all. What am I trying to imply here is that I can't seem to have the chance to do so because OUR DSL CONNECTION IS FREAKISHLY UNSTABLE... I can't even work on my mom's batch site which I planned on finishing before the schoolyear starts. I only have about 3 weeks to accomplish these things before I get to work this schoolyear (Please refer to the first alteration for the reasons).

* TIME MANAGEMENT ALTERATIONS - Grrr... can't seem to produce my conceptualized whiteboard... >.<>.>

Our simulation test was postponed on Monday because of some important meeting that one of our review teacher/principal has to attend.

Oh yeah, I'll be organizing the site once again and in sync to this event would be my room cleaning which was always being interfered by some events which is rather better than the "supposed-to-be-done" plan. Hehe. ^^;;

Another things would be the upcoming schoolyear. I couls predict that this would be interesting and I guess that's the challenge itself. :P

Okay, enough words, just work. Hope you would continue to go here ^^. Hehe, I'll be adding up some surprises and convenience here... just wait, ok? :D See yah! ^_~

2006-05-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Wow... incredible...

2006-05-17T20:03:00.000+08:00

I haven't really given a thought about my title for my current post because I have no idea what else to put as a title anyway. Hahaha! Of course, for one thing, those simple words would somehow be the manifestation of my oozing idiocy. :P

First, this week would be THE WORLDWIDE OPENING OF THE DA VINCI CODE ON THE 18th! Yey! ^_^ I never imagined that it would finally be brought to life and become a controversial book in the history as far as I know. Hehe. Well, I would just like to challenge myself especially in creating fresh ideas out of me when it comes to looking (or observing would be better... XP) at many fundamentals of life...

Ahehe, I'M SO HAPPY THESE DAYS! ^^ Hehehehe... sikretong malupet ko yan! ^_^ It's so funny how I react on certain things and even my points of view and never expect THIS thing to happen. Basta... =^_^=

I have also confirmed that I'm a bona fide St. Therese student meaning that I'll be collaborating with a lot of the most challenging people in my batch and I have no idea why I ended up there... :P Take note, I'll be enrolling on the 24th... Hahaha! Gossips do really go to places in a split second. At first, I never believed it due to David's GREATEST MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE SECTIONS when we started 3rd year. I cried because I didn't have a chance to be with my FORMER CRUSH who will be unfortunately my classmate this year... Hmmm... really, I guess I must mend the lost friendship since I asked for it when I was in 3rd year, didn't I? ^^;;

Honestly, I'm nervous about the simulation test this coming Saturday and if ever I don't make it through the expected score, I guess I must concentrate. Frankly speaking, I really don't think I took the reviews seriously enough to help me "remaster" what I learned for the past three years. One good example would be today when I realized that I haven't touched 1/10 of the dictionary or lesser. >.<>INTROVERT to being an AMBIVERT. Hehe, for those who are reading this and knew these words because of our reviews, don't mind me. I knew these words long before they were discussed. XP

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm having a dilemma in coping up with the responsibilities I must accomplish in a short span of time. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you could aid me in being versatile or in other words, being well-rounded which I've been trying to instill in myself for the duration of this summer vacation. In some ways, it made me more disciplined in other things yet I usually fail and it's perfectly natural. ^_^ I know it will be hard but I'm willing to take the risks.

As for the blog, thank you to those fanlistings who approved me in their respective sites and I'm sure I'm all dedicated to being an avid fan of these Anime' shows and characters. :D Please visit my Plugs page for more the buttons! ^^

I also am going to add some pictures after the simulation tests and you would be shock in some ways because well... errr... I'm kind of different... I'm not really sure... :P

Anime', Graphics, Stuff, Music, Video, FanPage and Surveys will be taken care of before summer ends since I'll be performing the 4th part of my cleaning session which was disrupted by some events when we last tried in attempting to finish cleaning up the clutter in this room. Ahehe. ^^

Oh well, see ya' later for the update! ^_~

Did you greet your Mom?

2006-05-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

Just went home from an exciting day that came in my life today. ^_^ Hehehe, many things happened and it's really overwhelming for me to relive the day. *ehem* Anyway, as you all know, is Mother's Day and I gave Mama her reward for being a versatile Mom. :D

First, we ate lunch at Mr. Choi's Kitchen at Robinsons Galleria and ate a lot of Chinese food which in the end made my stomach give up in such a festive atmosphere. It seems like today was definitely a blessed day for everyone despite the fact that a storm is lurking around the metropolis. ^^;;

While doing such things, I have met my friend, Maan (Garet would be better! :D) in the supermarket and it was a funny scene. We were staring at each other, each of us wearing a teasing grin on our faces. Hehehe. ^^ Before, we were texting where we are and what we were doing and it seems that we aren't meant to meet until that moment arrived. How lucky am I today? ^_^

I totally forgot to borrow the videocam from my cousin but that's alright since I don't think I have a guaranteed access to it anyway. I remember the time when we tried to connect it to the computer and we were constantly reviewing the manuals and pressing a lot of buttons out of nowhere. Hahaha! Ok, enough reminiscing :P

At 7:30 P.M., Mama and I went to Araneta Colliseum to conclude this special day with Paul Anka's concert and we were awed at the performance. As the only teenager there (I really think I'm the only teenager there...:P), I enjoyed the classics and the usual, I found out the titles of the old songs I've heard before. Ok, maybe you're thinking I'm a freak because I indulge with a lot of music but I have a simple explanation to that. When I was little, I'm expose to Sunday radio stations. Hahaha! I can't even believe how did I end up enjoying Indie, Rock, Alternative, Emo, HipHop, Beach House, Jazz, Classics, Pop and a whole lot more at the same time. Ahehe, I have no clue as well. XP

I will just describe today: MARVELOUS AND EXCITING! ^^ Hope I could have more new experiences soon. I really liked these kind of stuff, always having things that will make you a better and unique person. :D

Lastly, as you can see, I have added some links and buttons and even fanlistings in my Plugs page since obviously, I adore Anime' and I hope to unveil new fanlistings of artists some time soon. As for now, I must get back to reality but I'll never disregard my blog. ^^

Please look for new updates below. Thanks! ^_~

Hmmm... what's a good title for this... -__-;;???

2006-05-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

A phone call woke me up this morning. As I was struggling to go out of my bed, my throat was sore and my voice was phleghmatic that I suddenly cleared my throat to answer the ringing phone. As I lifted the phone, it was a PLDT operator telling me stuff that went into haze after she told me so and that was it. Silence.

A few minutes later, while I was watching a show, our maid told me that the PLDT repairman came to fix our DSL connection. I thought, "Oh, so that's what the operator was telling me." Still at dazed, I followed them here and looked at the problem. Then we went back down to look at the wirings beside the bed and ended up with the conclusion that because of our constant adjustments of our "newly-foamed" bed, our DSL connection was suddenly disrupted by our stupidity in bed like uhm, our mother-daughter foot wrestling every night. Haha! XP

After that, the net connection was fine and I got to use it again. Remember, it was not even 12 noon yet. ^^;;

While surfing the net and chatting and catching on with some episodes of School Rumble, a phone call disengaged me from my concentrated thoughts I'm in and I heard a male voice at the other end of the line, probably the same age as I do.

"Sino 'to?"
"Sino ka? Ikaw tumawag eh?!"
he added, "Si Kevin ito..."
And I thought I heard Ken. We did that for a few minutes and he was bugging me and he suddenly dropped the phone. Outraged, I slammed the receiver down and went on surfing the net.

It happened for about a few times and now, he's looking for a girl named "Dianne" and like hell I know a Dianne living in my house. I suddenly knew that those were prank calls... geez.... -__-;;

The last prank call I got was a few minutes ago and he instantly dropped the phone. Talk about decency, you know. Grrrr.....

Besides those nonessential things, I have found new things to put in here and it's making me excited to manipulate the site. Yay! ^^ One of things I really want to do. :D

Let me make this clear, I don't use Adobe Photoshop but instead, I use Jasc PaintShop Pro. Hehe. I have a lot of programs to add in my computer but I guess I can't do that because I don't have any disk space left for such things. I even removed a lot of games. I want to play some games on my computer but I guess life doesn't permit me to do so and I have my reasons why and they are all listed in my head...hehehe... ^^;;

I really wish that I can find a javascript for a calendar wherein I can enter some of my scheduled tasks and I want it for my own sake. I really do need such. Oh well, better settle for my conceptualized mini whiteboard. Haha! Now, where can I find one... I don't even have money left. Huhuhuhuhu.....

I bought Mama a Mother's Day gift and my savings were ALL WIPED OUT. Huhuhuhu... T_T I don't regret it though, it's for my mother anyway.

In other words, I'll be bonding with Mama on Sunday which leaves me for a Saturday and a Monday free time. One of these days are for my Room Cleaning Part 3. Hahaha! I thought I would end it with only 2 parts. Hehehe...

I must also find some LOCAL SONGS, TAGALOG PREFERABLE for my cousin's requested video for her birthday! Hehehe! Better borrow a videocam..... Oh yeah, I'll borrow one from my cousin. Nyahaha! Oh well, I could also create MV's through my digicam but one song at the time and a lot of editing needed. Wow, exciting! :D Better find some sounds now. If you have any suggestions, I need them ASAP! Arigatou, minna-san! ^_~

Oh yeah, before I forget, I have revived my old FictionPress account and you can look at it here. I have my amateur drafts but most of my poems are written in my notebooks here at home. Hehe. Oh well, see yah! :P

Graphics

2006-05-09T15:55:00.000+08:00

This page is under construction. Sorry... >.<

Just tell me if I'm crazy...

2006-05-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

I have a question... please answer it. We have all kinds of means to give me an answer. AM I TOOOOOOOO FAT?! >.<

Okay, let's see... a few months ago I also asked myself that same question and I would definitely respond with a big OH YEAH! I AM! Hahaha! XP *ehem* back to reality... ^^;;

So, what's the catch? Uhmmm... I tried to take a picture of myself (actually, it looks like a mugshot to me... ^^;;) where I'm only wearing some underwear and a shirt on top of it all. Haha! I look like a bulky longganisa. Yes, guys, I did that and good thing that I already disposed it with the use of my delete feature from my digicam. Nyahaha! You'll never see it ever again.

Ok, back to the reality once again, I'm doing absolutely nothing (Oh well, let's define my nothing shall we? :P ) once again...:

1.0 I'm halfway through my reviews... - see?! NO SUMMER! Bummer... T_T

2.0 Reluctant to do some stuff - due to my unbelievingly head aching reviews... I think my brain cells are distorted by now ^^;;.

3.0 I simply watch some Anime' series and roam around the net - that's because that's the only thing I could think of doing since I have no idea what to do next...

4.0 Cleaning my room - I stopped due to my recent fever the other day... good thing I endured it through the night since I got to go to my reviews the next day... ^^;;

5.0 MY PLAN IS ALL MESSED UP - there's a lot more reason than you could think of righyt now... sales... myself... errr... whatever...XP

Okay, now do you understand my situation. This is the test of the lifetime (Ok, I kind of exaggerated at that part but for me, it is. >.<) because I can only take UPCAT once and after that... no other chance at all. Just stop bugging me with your "... nangako ka sa'kin na ikaw gagawa ng Friendster Profile ko..." when you already told someone to do it for you or "...upload mo na iyong picture ko ha! Cge na, Lek, please...". Jeez, get a life!

For those who have been very generous and have been patient, you're patience has been rewarded.

ALL PICTURES AND OTHER MULTIMEDIA STUFF AND GRAPHICS WILL BE POSTED HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I CREATED A NEW ACCOUNT FOR A LOT OF MY FILES! I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PRESENCE OF MY NEW ANTI-VIRUS FOR TRACKING DOWN A LOT OF VIRUSES IN MY COMPUTER THAT MADE MY COMPUTER LIKE A PESKY KID FOR A LONG TIME. PLEASE ADD SOME COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS ON MY TAGBOARD OR JUST POST A COMMENT, THANKS!

Zutto Kimi Ni Soba De

2006-05-04T15:08:00.000+08:00

[Intro:] Am F G Am Am F G x2

C F E E7 Am F C F G
koi ni mitsu wo maite ienai kimochi wo sodatete ita
F C E E7 Am F C F G
itsumo atteru no ni koe ga kikitakute setsunaku naru
Am G F G Am G F G
sabishisa sakasenai you ni ai wo korosanu you ni

[Chorus:]

Am F G Am
hashiru hashiru doko made mo yuku
Am F G Am
yurete yurete kokoro no mama ni yurarete
Am F G Am
donna kurushimi datte
F Dm G C
kimi to ire ba norikoerareru

[Same chord pattern as Stanza 1]
yume no neji wo maite hito no kanashimi wo tsuyosa wo mita
sonna kimi no soba de subete wo utsuseru hito de itai
ashita ni mayowanai you ni ima wo wasurenu you ni

[Same chord pattern as Chorus]
kurai kurai mienai michi wo
hikaru hikaru itsuka wa hikari kagayaku
nanimo osore wa shinai
kimi no soba de kyou mo waraeru

[Instrumental]

[Same chord pattern as Chorus]
hashiru hashiru doko made mo yuku
yurete yurete kokoro no mama ni yurarete
donna kurushimi datte
kimi to ireba norikoerareru

I love this song! The video was only a part of the song... sorry guys... >.<

Problems... they never go...even on such a hot, summer day...

2006-05-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

Problems have no mercy whether it's raining or shining, whatever the weather will be. Nonetheless, problems emerges from scene to scene in rapid succession, unbelievingly sweeping of every bit of comfort in your head. These problems though, made me numb in a way or so. I hope it will last for a long time. Really...

For days, I'm dazed at the idea that I'm in an infatuation once again and I've got to snap back to reality once and for all. I've told you a lot of times that I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to heal my wounds and fight back to the lost times.

I know I'm being stupid in a way but I guess it's the need for me to survive. For days, I've been wondering where my life is heading and I guess after all the these preparations I've made, I'm not prepared personally and some other aspects you may think of may be affected. XP

Problems in terms of this, problems in terms of that. Always, and I mean always, never let your guard down because if you do, you'll be like me and everything suddenly shattered. Don't let even a small fraction of praise shake you, you'll lose yourself totally. Think about those Uno blocks... all of one and one for all.

I will not mention any of my dilemmas but I'd rather keep it on my own because that's where it is suppose to be. Hehe.

I've been talking to a new friend of mine online and I was intrigued by his enigmatic presence upon me. Even though I haven't seen him eye to eye, I can sense that something is not exactly normal. I told him that he should change that and I'm left with an answer: "Perhaps."

Geez, I've been there and 'perhaps' will never do anything to your life. It's ;ike I'm deciding whether I should pick pasta over pizza or otherwise (NOTE: Fave foods! XP). Create a decision. Defend it.

Like the cliche', "Time is gold", don't let simple words fool you. I'm absolutely certain that it's a fact. The things I left undone must be picked up and organized and so we should. We maybe never reverse time but we can reverse circumstances, like manipulating formulas to find the solution.

Manipulation is the key to deciphering unknown logic. Whatever was created by human mind shall be in competence with its fellow human minds. I don't believe in "Photographic memory" of sorts but an "imaginative mind" would be the definite word for that. If you let your ideas splurge out of you, it creates a new sense of intelligence. Undefined intelligence, so to speak.

I know, I'm being philosophical yet it works for me. These are the things that makes the mind become the greatest asset of a human being and that why you need it to resolve problems. The more you challenge your mind, the more it flourishes new ideas. Think about it, maybe you'll end up being someone you don't expect yourself to be. Someone better, someone great.

Definitely, there are no secrets when it comes to intelligence, just full usage of everything you've got and that's something that will push you forward- on your own I mean. I hope this mindset would help me go on. As they say, sanayan lang yan at karanasan.

I can't believe that I end up creating an essay out of nowhere. Let's see what would be my next. :)

As for the site, I apologize for the delays. I'm planning to work on the sites after the reviews and unfortunately, I haven't got a chance to have any guitar lesson, so I'm self-studying. I'm having some disk space problems since I've installed and removed a lot of programs in my computer and so I must say, I've got to save money for a new pc. Hehe.

Please, I'm begging you, don't text me if you're bored or something. My bills are soaring high and just minutes ago, I settled to a G2P service of Globe wherein I can manage my usage of plan. I'm sure that this month would be a hell for me. I'll be shutting down my cellphone until this month's bill arrives. Until then, please refrain from messaging me unless improtant. Thanks.

Saving up is a big problem for all of us. Now, I'm implementing these things before they reach the level of red alert or danger. Just making sure that everthing's under control. Also, I shall be having some time off the computer since DSL will definitely cost a fortune for us and I'm using it almost non-stop. I must face the reality of this month's bills. >.<

Anyway, see you later! ^_~

Yey... errr... whatever... O_o

2006-04-30T01:09:00.000+08:00

These reviews are making me nuts and I can feel my brain cells depleting as days go by... talk about rushing everything in a few days and face an exam that will change your destiny for a lifetime. This is an ironic situation for me... really... and as usual, plans are screwing up like the old days. Well, that's my status about my future...

Next would be some significant events that happened. First would be our general house cleaning (I prefer house restoring... XP) because I discovered some hazardous objects ignored to the places where they should not be placed at all. One good example would be the spilled bottle of kerosene in a basket that I discovered placed beside the window on a dreadful, hot summer day! Another would be the expired Coke Light cans abandoned under the couch and already passed its expiration date XP. Nice...

Before I took a bath this afternoon, clumsily, I stepped on a shard of glass from the broken prom memento which I stepped on and my heel had spurted some blood out. Talk about Achilles' heel. Grrr... my weakness... brain depletion... Don't worry, at least not my whole foot was affected. Thank heavens! -^0^-

Errr... tomorrow's May 1 and it's LABOR DAY! No reviews, yey! XP Still, I'm going to clean up my room o go with my Mama to buy a foam for my bed or something. Whatever happens, I'm still in my life. I hope you are in yours as well. XP

I have reached the internet once again...

2006-04-21T17:25:00.000+08:00

I'm not suppose to be here yet here I am posting another day of my life and exposing my imprudence to be seen by many. Since I'm in the middle of sessions for the upcoming entrance tests, I must sacrifice some things like my pleasures such as wasting my time by doing nothing, perhaps? Nonetheless, I must take a breather for a while and eject those tensions inside my head and I'll be back on track once I have done so.

I wi;; not mention any editing of sites or anything related to that matter because these exams are my PRIORITY ONE. Get it? I'm open for suggestion for any site improvements whatsoever but never pry on me... really, I mean it.

I'm actually having problems with my internet connection inspite the fact that I have a DSL connection. They told me we have a line problem so we need to fix this up.

Don't worry guys, there's still time and let's do these things one at a time. Ok? ^_^

For those people who thought I hate them or being snobbed: Please don't overreact because what I see, I tell you. If you couldn't take my observations (or maybe criticism for you...) , just check it for yourself and maybe you'll find out. I'm not telling you that I'm perfect since NO ONE is perfect and I have my own mistakes as well. Just learn from it and maybe you'll get the picture, ok?

For those people who keeps on sending text messages because they have nothing to do with their life: Remove me from your phonebook and shut up. I'm annoyed because I'm expecting IMPORTANT text messages which I rarely receive so if you don't like to remove me from your phonebooks, just don' t send it in group. Thanks.

For those people who think I'm too childish: Learn it, live it, love it. I'm trying my best to be mature for everyone despite the fact that I'm not even benefiting on making myself grow up that fast. Just let me be and I will let you be you, ok?

For the obnoxious people: Review yourself from head to toe and ask yourself who's superior. Freaks...

For the people I care about (family, friends, enemies, and to my acquaintances... XP) : Sorry if I didn't give too much time for us to bond with each other but maybe there is a time for that and I'm laying that rght time to the hands of my faith. I care for you, please remember that. ^^

Ok, that's it. Let's see when is my next update. ~ja! ^_~

Now, where shall I begin with my quest...

2006-04-18T00:29:00.000+08:00

Basically, this title has a lot to offer nonetheless it's merely a cornerstone of what will my life will be after a few months. Somehow, I think this is the time where I'm going to replenish myself with the things I'm taking in in my life. Now, you'll be facing a different me and I have no assurance of any satisfaction 100% to the things I'm about to expound right at this moment as you read on.

First off would be my room where I must segregate MY PAST AND MY FUTURE. I must say this is quite a work for me because I'm afraid to drop off the past without drastic situations pursuing me to do so. This has been my setback for the past three years of my high school life and it had given me a lot of time to think things through but I held it back because of FEAR in which on the other hand had stolen my time to create assets for my future escapades in life. I kept myself inside a gloomy household where the day was mere silence and my nights were my life, when everyone was asleep.

Second would be my FEAR ITSELF. It has tormented my decisions and laid off a lot of opportunities and it had failed me in everything I do. Now you're wondering why am I prying on my life. "I want this... I want that..." situations. I don't know when this happened but it is took a lot of my dignity away from me, gradually until I'm here right now grasping for these dignity to outlast reality... a long way to go.

Third would be my PHYSIQUE. I never thought of it as a liability until recently when I looked at myself and noticed that I'm not as beautiful as my friends of as charming as those people on TV. Somehow, this has been amother struggle for me.

Next would be my ATTITUDE in which I was commented a lot. I know I have a lot to offer but this moulded attitude in which I just picked out and kept all these years were held deeply in me and I guess it just got rotten. Really, this was another hindrance to my ascension.

Lastly, it would be my LIFE. I must dare go out and sacrifice a lot of things. I have to shed as much as possible those things that I don't need anymore.

It worries me that everything will continue to rotate again as if nothing happened and that's what I'm thinking when I was deciding where my life would be heading. I'm undecided, yet I don't want to lose my happiness.

This is really a not as shallow as I thought I could explain to you but what I feel is that time wants me to grow up a little TOO FAST. It seems that life didn't permit me to move and I'm still bounded by the past. A painful experience for me right now... really...

Anyway, sorry if I didn't update that much here because I will be having my PC fixed so that I could use it in a better way. My memory is slowing down and I'm doing my best to finish this site and my mom's site and a whole lot more. Sorry about the delays, I just gave you my explanation of my situations. Hope you understand. Thank you.

Bora... Bora!!! Nyahaha! XP

2006-04-13T11:33:00.000+08:00

The last time that I'm going to put another entry about my experiences in Boracay was still fresh in my mind and I can't believe that I'm going to add another one altogether with my past experiences.

Some stuff occured that I didn't anticipated and so I'm glad that something new happened for a change. One of those experiences would be the monitor that I'm drooling on right now because IT'S SO DAMN NICE! Haha! Samsung SyncMaster 151s will be in my list of techie stuff I'll be dreaming on next and it's nice to look at right now... >.<

Anyway, I had HENNA TATTOOS - not a real tattoo and it will wear of for about 2 weeks or so- and I love it! ^^ I have one at my ankles at first but I added another one around my left wrist which is so cool! Haha!

I also apologize for my unexplanable joy from me as I type these words. I just don't want to be serious because I know I will be next week. I'm not muttering foul words about the "serious" part I'm going to impose but of course, there are times that we have to cut the pleasure for a while.

Don't worry about the updates, I'm still going to work on it. When I go home, I'll be working on the UP Batch '67 Site since some ideas struck in my mind while I was trailing off to sleep last night and others XP.

Speaking of sleep, I had another Insomnia attack but don't throw out some speculations if I had some "good time" or did some night life but the truth is I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FALL ASLEEP! I must find the remedy for this sickness and FAST! Haha! I must wake up early for the following weeks. -___-;;

Okay, that's it for me. More experience details when I get home on SUNDAY! Ok?! Well... ~ja! ^_~

In the middle of my past clutters...

2006-04-10T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm cleaning my room right now and I don't know what to do with my room. Everytime, I always clean my room since it's filled with junk and stuff that aren't useful to me very soon. I'm eliminating a lot of things not just in my room but in my life... (Imagine now that we're having a flashback, guys... XP).

Anyway, I'll be doing the yearly, OH YEAH, I'M GOING TO BORACAY, ILOILO AND BACOLOD EXPERIENCE once again and this is like my 15th time to go there... (Count it, I go there since I was born...) and somehow, I can't help thinking that maybe I've seen too much of the place. It's not a paradise for me anymore, I want to go somewhere else, as if it would happen soon... darn... -__-;;

I got my report card this morning because Mama took it from school and called her in about 2 o' clock and the result... THANK GOD HE HELPED ME!!!!! >.< It's a good thing that I passed 3rd year and I'm finally calling myself a 4th year in a month or two when we enroll for the upcoming schoolyear... MY FINAL YEAR!!!

Oh yes, the final joys of childhood is materializing oh so soon and I'm about to face new kinds of subjects and THE ENTRANCE EXAMS ARE FAST APPROACHING so I must be ready... here is my schedule so that you could follow my journey... (and so that you could whine at me whenever I'm delayed for my updates... ^^;;):

APRIL 12:

Going to the airport for Boracay
13:00 = Drown to fantasy world while waiting for the plane.
15:00 = Stare out at the windows filled with puffy clouds! Yey! XP
17:30 = Caticlan to Boracay...

APRIL 14:

Catch the only transportation to Iloilo in a Good Friday...
8:00 = Farewell, Boracay...
12:30 - 13:00 = The transpo will drop us in front of SM Iloilo... hot!!! >.<
13:30 = Sleep, stare, read or create new products out of nowhere...watch some cable shows... ^^;;

APRIL 15:

Iloilo Exploration once again...
12:00 = Reunite with my friend and do some whacky stuff at the mall...
15:30 - 16:30 = In a boat ride to Bacolod...
18:00 = Anticipated Easter Sunday Mass
20:00 = Eating out with my cousins and relatives!!!

APRIL 16:

Lurk around Bacolod
10:00 = Go around to some places...
18:00 = I'm going home! Nyahaha!

Ok... that's my PREDICTED COURSE OF ACTION. I hope that I could do some cool stuff within these 5 days because Entrance Exam Reviews are on APRIL 19, 2006 which is a Wednesday and NEXT WEEK! Goodness, I have a lot of things going on. Haha! Anyway, I'll be narrating some experiences when I get back. When the sun is so damn hot, I'll go to an internet shop and update here. Oh well, see yah! ^_~ ~ja!

I feel as if I'm drifting out of reality...

2006-04-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

I'm being annoyed by stupid chain messages which I'm terrified before. Haha! Can you imagine me sending away messages because of my fear? Well, I have no idea what else am I going to tell you about that matter.

Anyway, I'm still in my Anime' Obsession Mode and I'm watching the Love Hina Series after my first attempt on finishing the Chobits Series few days ago.

Somehow, while I'm watching the Anime' these futile chain messages keep coming in my cellphone and some other people keep on saying "Hi, musta na?" or "Elow!" just because they are bored and they have no one to talk to. Of course, I tried closing my cellphone for a while but I knewI have some important text messages coming so I just keep on deleting those useless messages. Such a pity they don't know what to do this summer... -___-;;

Now, I'm despeartely looking for a FREE MUSIC HOST because I seem to have a big problem with the recent music host I got weeks ago. Talk about the waste of time on uploading those music files. Oh well, what can I do, I must find a better service FOR FREE.

Ironically, Internet became a mammoth zone of different kinds of pleasure and sometimes, I can't even find what am I looking for. Goodness, life seems to be more complicated whenever you don't perceive its development. How am I going to deal with such a world?! O.o;; I hope you could answer me.

*ehem* I feel that I'm thawed out with such a predicament that reality will soon strike my face soon. I mean, how the heck am I going to show myself in a one-sided world?! Everyone wants instant pleasure (sex, money, crime... can you still enumerate some more...?)and I would include myself to that but the enigma of life is still there... waiting...

This is not related to my Anime' Obsession thing, I'm just curious... simply curious... AHHHHH!!!!! These are just the symptoms of sheer boredom and now it's creeping me out. Grrrrr...

Sad to say guys but I have no updates for our site yet. I NEED A BETTER HOST! If you know any, please tell me, I'm desperate. >.<

I'm being pulled down by my vicious cycle... >.<

2006-04-06T15:46:00.000+08:00

Now, I'm addicted to Internet once again not because of our DSL connection (ok... kind of... XP) but due to my reminiscing moments where I remembered my Anime' addiction. Haha! For the past 2 days (yes, 2 straight days!), I tried to finish the whole Chobits Series and I managed to do so last night. I'm kind of worried about adding some eyebugs below my eyes... ^^;;

On the contrary, I haven't slept with my Mama for the last two nights because of this obsession. Haha! Talk about being departed from the reality. I don't know why but whenever I attempted to refrain myself to go online, when I go back, I crave for more.

It made me wonder one time if I'm planning to be a full-time Computer Scientist or something, or maybe a Web Designer and be paid while I'm spurting out my ideas. Even so, I want to go for Business Management but I'm also having second thoughts about it. I don't really want to think about it yet something is bothering me inside so today, I'm surfing the net so that I could see what my future lays ahead.

About the intriguing thing that I mentioned, I really forgot about it. Haha! I'm really caught up with my anime cravings but don't worry, right now, I'm trying my best to make it out. Since some of the other blogs or plugs are kind of intriguing (a mysterious thing that they store in their sites...) I guess I'll do that as well. Haha!

Anyway, I'm currently pondering on which courses will I be putting on my application form. I don't want to cram anymore. My college will determine my life. My Mama's word's never left my mind as I was scanning from university to university and it makes me wonder how am I going to be worthy of these top-notching schools?

*ehem* On the other hand, I'm enjoying my new-found game called, Maple Story which is free unlike Ragnarok where you will need to pay for your Level- Up Card and so on. I want to try MU or Dota but I guess I don't want to be a gamer or something, I've got some things I must do.

What else? Uhmmm, I'm procastinating once again for the summer's time being. Haha! In between the procastinations are the following:

1.0 Anime Marathon

2.0 Maple Story

3.0 Sleeping

4.0 My habit being a nocturnal person. Haha!

5.0 Music Downloading

Haha! Don't worry, I'm just making my time an unforgettable experience. Anyway, I'll be posting the pictures of our recent CAT experience that can be found in my PICTURES SECTION. Haha! You can comment if you want. Ofc course I need to upload it. I'll do that later. Hehe! ^_~

I must go now... remember this: UPDATES FOR THE PICTURE SECTION WILL BE POSTED HERE. SOME LINKS MAY BE UNAVAILABLE AT THE MOMENT DUE TO SOME HOSTING PROBLEMS. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. THANKS! ~ja, ne! ^_~

It's official... SUMMER'S HERE! ^_^

2006-04-04T13:44:00.000+08:00

I think you've been wondering where the hell I went I didn't post here when I know it's already summer... I just wrapped up some scholl stuff like the Entrance of Colors and the perks. Haha! I also had this problem on my modem which irritated me for almost 2 days?! I don't know, I don't seem to mind the days right now. ^^;;

Actually, before the weekend ended, a lot of events suddenly rushed in my calendar and it suddenly became an unbearable silence when it was all hauled up. I like a lot of events and a lot of stuff going on around me and at the same time enjoying it. This would be the best explanation why I didn't go online for a while. Would you mind if I elaborate it even further, well here it goes...

Last week was the final week to gather our act together before the big events come and go beneath our faces. I was thinking what would be these things that will either pester my summer or make it a breath-taking one. It never occured to me that my doubts would be answered when Saturday came.

After the big finale, the High School graduation, we were given a chance to eat as a token of appreciation on making sure the ceremony proceed in a peaceful manner. At the first night, we were so exhausted and I almost collapsed on my bed but good thing I ate our viand, Sinigang na Isda and it made me awake for hours and I even got to talk to my friend.

Anyway, back at the Saturday night, I asked my buddies to pose for some shots so that I could post it here (you'll enjoy looking at it when I post it here later on... :P) and before we went home, our temporary Batallion Commander gathered us and said, "If you want the next CAT batch to become a better batch, we must make sure that we change our ways..."

Want to find out my evaluation?

"...childish and overreacting...the cause why people are irritated by you..."

I can't believe it! Why didn't you tell me before... LAST YEAR?!

I sobbed later on after I went home, thinking. I have no idea what to do. I guess the changes I've implemented were not enough. I had no one to talk to until Mama came home and I poured out my heartache.

"Life is a gamble."

My mother uttered those words and I can't get it out of my mind. After a while, I thought, Dummy, you knew that, everyone knew that, why didn't you do it before!? It was the time for the realization of my onus that I wished I had ejected those actions beforehand. Stupid, stupid me... then I burst to tears again...

I want someone to talk to, not a family member but a friend. I didn't want to talk to my bestfriends because they wouldn't understand... THEY NEVER UNDERSTOOD MY LIFE. I was going through the list of friends and realized that nothing changed, I still had the same people who would always treat me the same way... PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T UNDERSTOOD ME FROM THE START.

I'm tired of the game, I'm weary of these tricks I've played to detach my vulnerability from this bizarre world I lived in, I've settled in. Ahaha! Talk about being a total drama queen... Anyway... no need to find out the details... you can just ask me personally. Hehe XP

I will just drown my emotions and boredom through online hopping! Haha! Enjoy summer! ^_~ Ja~!

I can't stand this heat... stupid heat... >.<

2006-03-29T19:34:00.000+08:00

I didn't update for the past two days because I tired of all the practices that we did for the past few days. It would be easy for us to wrap up everything but of course we can't because of this unbearable heat. Aaaarrrggghhh... I getting my free tanning before I go to the beach during the holidays. Oh well... life... T_T

Anyway, my friend, Keyna and I got a chance to talk to our Chemistry teacher who is about to leave our school by the end of the month. Awwwww... we will miss her badly. At least we got to talk to her for the last time if ever that would be the last one. *ehem* We talked about our college plans and she told us some hints that would be a helpful for us if ever we could enter UP. ^^ She's such an angel for us and we would miss her a lot. Thank you, miss! -^o^-

What happened for the last two days? We had our practice for RECOGNITION DAY and I got Service Award for Sininglaya, my club, where I get a credit for good service. Haha! XP I don't think I'm the one who earned it or in short, I feel like I'm a proxy. Hehe, it's a very long story but hey, at least I got the award. ^^

Nothing really cool happened during the past few days and all I did was to rest and I forgot my design for the logo of CAT. Shocks! I've got to draw it right away. Haha! Silly me, where did I put my ideas?!

I've provided error pages so that you are aware of the pages that are about to be built.

I'm also going to be busy for a while. Don't worry, I'll finish my site as much as possible. It will take a while for me to fulfill some favors because I have a lot of people asking favors as well. Please bear with me. Thanks! ^^

Gotta go! ^^ See ya later and I'll tell you some stuff later. ~ja! ^_~

Dollz

2006-03-27T01:02:00.000+08:00

Dolls are the ones we use in Yahoo! Messenger for our avatars or somethings we use them as decorations for our stuff (you know, create, print, and flaunt? :P)

These are some of my dolls that I created online. Although I can create through my photo editing programs, I just don't seem to have the time that's why I have these dolls. ^^ Don't worry if you don't have one, you can create a doll with the best creators I know. ^_~

I'll post the links here to share to you the fun on creating dolls! :D

ElouAi.Com

Sooo happeh... New techie device for meh! =^_^=

2006-03-26T12:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, after my grueling two-day-straight insomnia, my Mama and I went out because her office doesn't have any work for the day (I like these Saturdays when she has no plans... :P). *ehem* Anyway, she asked me where will we go while I'm editing my blog. I didn't gave deep thoughts about it later on and focused on my editing. After a while, I took a bath and changed my clothes so that I'm ready to go whenever my Mama would yell out my name once again ^^;;.

I still continued my editing and stuff when my mother came back from the salon because she had her weekly nail polishing moments for relaxation. When she came up here in my room she asked my again where are we going, I was stunned because I didn't really remember her query before. Then I started thinking until my head pounded achingly and I ask her where didn't we go yet.

Her reply, "Ewan ko sa'yo..."

Wah!!!!! We have no options but I told here about my urge to go to Divisoria to snag some sacks of beads for my mini business. She said that it's too late for us to drop a visit there and it's dangerous there at night.

What we did was to drive off and decide while she's driving. Haha! We had to do a lot of turns until we end up with a decision. At first, Mama thought of looking in Tiendesitas but she asked me if we could find any beads there. Dumbfounded, I had no reply but she concluded that there might not be any beads out there and so we end up going to Makati instead.

Now, my Mama forgot that there's a BPI Madness happening in Glorietta. What did we first saw? You know me, DIGITAL STUFF! Haha! I first saw the kiosk of Canon Digital Cameras and browsed through those lavishing digital cameras displayed on the table. I was eyeing on the Canon IXUS 15. I asked the salesman if there's such a product there and he pointed out the Canon IXUS i which is just the same as my desired digicam (the difference would only be the LCD screen at the back of the camera... XP).

I also saw the Canon IXUS 750 which only differ from my desired digicam throught its larger LCD screen and resolution and has 7.1 megapixels. Hehe, of course, it is a high-end camera so I let Mama think it through. I also showed her my first desired digicam, Canon PowerShot A410 which has 3.2 megapixels and a lot cheaper.

Still weighing the price over quality, I was anxious for her verdict. Later on, the winner is my new Canon IXUS i with 5.1 megapixels, smaller LCD screen than Canon IXUS 750 but possesses the same features of the said camera. Haha! Techie talk, right?! Haha! :P

I was ecstatic when she said yes to my desired camera. Hehe! Now, we don't need to drop frequent visits to Kodak for developing because we hit a bargain! We can also have the printer, Selphy for a lower price than the normal marketing value of the printer and we could also get an MP3 Player w/ Card Reader which I heard from David before that Christopher also has. Hehe! ^^

Wow! I can now take shots of unexpected events via my new digicam. In addition, I can also connect it here on my computer and put my new pictures here in my blog! Yey! ^_^ Now, that's technology! ^_~

Owkie, time to edit my bland blog and add some touch with it! ^^ ~ja! ^_~

Yay! New Layout! Hehe!

2006-03-25T10:26:00.000+08:00

Yey! I didn't expect this to happen. I was suppose to put up some music files on my sounds page and some pictures and I just created a new layout out of the blue. Haha! Anyway, for our second year, I featured The White Stripes as my layout because I'm so addicted to their songs. Nyahaha! I like the outcome of the brushes I used and I thank Miinc Designs for my out-of-this-world brushes for my PSP! Yay! -^o^-

Speaking of the White Stripes, I'm also addicted to Sandwich these days and boy, you don't know what to say when their new single "Sugod" in my iPod suddenly gained a lot of play count on its first night in my player. Hehe!

I'm going back to my music avidness and I'm putting up a lot of songs here in my blog one of these days. Sorry if I haven't updated those pages yet, I'm also managing my mother's bacth site, Batch '67 wherein I'll be recreating their yearbook way back in high school and add up their "NOW" pictures. Haha! I was thrilled with the idea but of course, it is a lot of work.

A few more days and this site goes 1 year old! Yay! ^^ I can't believe it! One whole year at this blog and expressing my thoughts in this place gives me this overwhelming thoughts about my goals. Wow, everything has its time indeed. As my token of appreciation to those who read my posts, I'll be jazzing up this place for you! Thanks a bunch! ^_^

Owkie, time to work, work, work! Haha! Stick around for the updates... ONE BY ONE! See ya! ~ja! ^_~

Let's be reality-wise... ^^;;

2006-03-24T07:06:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm in hysteria since I haven't slept well a few hours ago for no reason at all. I'm sure that I slept late but I'm willing to sleep after my first internet session after a week of NON-INTERNET EXPERIENCE. Errr... such a vicious cycle that I must face everyday.

Anyway, I'm wide awake and I bet I'll sleep later when the sun's heat reverberated throughout the house and moistened the air. EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!! >.< *ehem* Now, about my topic for the current post.

I loathe my mother's opinions and I'm not protesting or even formulating a plan of rebellion. I'm just sick of people tampering the things I want to do. Usually, that's what people hate about me, you know, being perfectionist and all. Somehow, I often think of it as my asset. Now, what is this oh-my-she-hates-something-again fiasco? Let me elaborate on the matter more deeply...

It started during the last weeks of my third year when I was reminded that summer is fast approaching and I tried to set up some summer goals for me to perform. I can still remember my long list of unaccomplished goals from the last summers that has passed and I think I'm about to remove some of the things I believe is not neccessary anymore. Of course, I didn't forget my health to be one of my main priorities and how to become healthy, of course, through exercise.

I don't go out of my house (as I told you before, I have reasons for staying inside the house...), I can't go out of my house because my mother doesn't want me to goof around without her ever-watchful eye away from me all the time, I have no freedom to do some things I want to do and a lot of it goes on and on and I'm sure I'm telling th truth.

I had an preposterous idea of going to gym WITH MY MOTHER! I know it is a VERY hilarious idea but why not, I said to myself.

I have no idea what would be an alternative but stay home and bore myself to death with the same four corners of my room. Wow, talk about having new experiences.

Now you know why nothing happens with my life and I hope it becomes a lesson for you to enjoy your surroundings. I think you wouldn't bear being stuck in a fortress like I live in. This would be my main reason why I'm so ecstatic whenever I go out of the house or when I envision my college life- freedom.

Unbelievingly, I couldn't have my gatepass if I didn't persuade my mother to let me purchase one. I know you're telling me that my mother cares about me A LOT but you know the feeling where someone is below the belt with his or her opinions about you or when someone steps the line of being friendly towards you, this is just the same.

I guess there's a transition of our traits as we grew up. My mother being jolly and sometimes being gullible (even vulnerable sometimes... ^^;;) had its reasons and it is otherwise for me.

Ask away why am I like this. I'll answer that for you:

1.I want to fill up the emptiness of my heart through achievements and praises.

2.Obviously, I want some attention as a human being.

3.Respect and acceptance of my physical and sociological aspects (or whatever aspects may involve to know me better...^^;;)

4.I NEED LISTENERS NOT CRITICS!

5.I simply want to be happy and make my life fulfilling by just being me.

6.Honestly, I'm afraid to be alone some time soon and wants to do everything for everybody WHO TRULY BELIEVED IN ME.

7.I want to be free from my doubts and fears.

8.Total suport even to a single person.

9.I don't like being told what to do with my life AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST DO. XP

10.Lastly, be loved by a person for who I am.

I guess that's a lot. This would be my personal wishlist of non-material objects. Oh well, just be reality-wise, ok? ^_~

PunKyStaR

Existentialism In The Dark Knight (final)

If I were a philosopher, I would...

Don't fill my blog with spam. Thanks.

TREDONE Integration Paper

Happiness and Suffering

Happy Birthday?

Dithering.

Everything's laid.

Almost at it.

Finally. I'm awake.

Sembreak Scheds!

I want to change the name...

He's still my prince charming... ^_^

I Can't Sleep...

100 Things In My Mind Right Now...

Huh...? Eh...? Whatda...?

I should go out more often...

Kabilugan ng Buwan...

As I Looked Up At The Skies...

I never wanted the night to end...

Something has changed? Really?

Are you simply blind or are you making yourself one?

Wow... I'm 16? XP

I will not mention Part 2... Let me mention my messy room...

Almost concluding succession of events...

Almost concluding succession of events...

Oh crap... *sleepy eyes*

Going Gaga Over Outrageous...

I Don't Feel It Anymore...

Misunderstood... misinterpreted...

Grrr... screw Monotony! >_<

Uhmmm... Uggghhh... _-_'

You won't even notice... Something has changed...

I'm still thinking about it... Just wait...

Oh s***... Oh s***!!!

A Simple Message of Hiatus...

This life is under renovation...

After UPCAT... blah... blah...

The Eve of UPCAT

This is all about the turbulence...

The usual before-the-test blues...

How I wish I know PHP... *sighs*

*Relieving old wounds that agitated my being...*

*Letting paranoia penentrate me...*

When the rain fell... I didn't cry...

When the rain fell... I didn't cry...

There are what I call changes...

I feel lost...

This is my breather...

I have no regrets...

___*Please add a title for this post*___

I'm under the J-Pop/J-rock/J-Punk or whatever J-??? there is... bewitchment...

... And my 4th year began...

Darn it, I'M A SENIOR! >.<

Total Site Rearrangements...

My Family

My Friends

My Life

Yey! 100th post for me! ^_~

My Pictures

My Music Player

Waaahhh!!! We didn't even see a glimpse?! T_T

Credits

Could anyone tell me what I should really do in my life... My life's wasted...

A better elucidation...

New...new...new... without a reason this time...

New Layout, New Life... New Schoolyear, New Ordeals...

Linking You

I miss him... this is my melancholy...

Which Anime' character for the final year? ^_~

I want to escape from reality... for just one day...>.<

I'm nervous in every sense I can think of...

Alterations... alterations...

Wow... incredible...

Did you greet your Mom?

Hmmm... what's a good title for this... -__-;;???

Graphics

Just tell me if I'm crazy...

Zutto Kimi Ni Soba De

Oh crap... sleepy eyes

Oh s... Oh s!!!

How I wish I know PHP... sighs

Relieving old wounds that agitated my being...

Letting paranoia penentrate me...

_Please add a title for this post_